Caught in Awkward Moments
by Haroku
Summary: AU As if high school isn’t tough enough already, Naruto finds himself getting into more and more awkward situations which nearly all involve that stupid Uchiha Sasuke. High school has never been a more awkward experience. Yaoi, SasuNaru
1. The Pink Envelope of Doom

**Title:** Caught in Awkward Moments**  
Authoress:** PockyLoveLove**  
Rating: **T**  
Summary: **AU As if high school isn't tough enough already, Naruto finds himself getting into more and more awkward situations which nearly all involve that stupid Uchiha Sasuke. High school has never been a more awkward experience and Naruto and Sasuke are figuring this out firsthand. Yaoi, SasuNaru**  
Warning: **Yaoi, language, OOCness (hopefully not too bad)

**A/N: **Hm, lately, I've been hit by one plot bunny after another :pretends to think thoughtfully: Oh well! I've been itching to write this pairing now that I've caught up fully with Shippuuden XD Been a while since I've written an AU…it feels kinda weird to be truthful. Especially, a high school AU. And man, I'm more of a third person point of view writing kinda person, but I figured I'd try my hand at first person. And at present tense. They seem to go hand in hand for me haha! Humor is also no where near my forte (angst XD) but, I'm willing to try new things. I promise to give this my all and try my best from start to finish!

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Naruto or any of its characters in anyway. I only write to entertain others and for my own strange, twisted, yet loveable amusement. (And, I only envy Kishimoto Masashi for being able to think up of such a manga and characters! And Naruto and Sasuke are lovable in their own ways and together—bringing out the best and the worst in the other X3)

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Caught in Awkward Moments

Chapter One: The Pink Envelope of Doom

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There are only four things that I abso-fucking-lutely love in this damn, godforsaken world. One, my dad who died when I was about six. But now, my former teacher, Iruka-sensei, has taken it upon himself to take care of me (visiting my home occasionally and making sure that I have enough food to eat besides ramen and whatnot), and I consider him my surrogate father. Two, my friends because god knows _where_ I would be without them…probably in all of those honors, study-your-ass-off pansy classes. Ugh, the thought makes me shudder! Three, my little stuffed fox, Kyuubi. Stop staring at me like I'm some kinda knife-wielding maniac please. Yes, I have a stuffed animal who happens to be a very cute fox with blood red eyes and nine fluffily cute tails and just happens to sleep on the bed with me every night. I love him, okay? My dad made him for me and I've had him and loved him ever since so shut up. And finally four, ramen. It is the best food to have EVER graced this crap world and I would honestly trade all of my items in my room just for a bowl of Ichiraku ramen right now. Except for Kyuubi though.

Now, in contrast, there is only one thing that I abso-fucking-lutely hate in this world. That thing happens to be a person, by the way. One Uchiha Sasuke. The biggest prick I have ever met in my life with the biggest stick rammed up his ass for that matter. That guy actually makes Sai look like a freakin' pansy running around with a cupcake shoved down his pants! Granted that Sai is more creepy than rude and _evil_, but hey, the point is I tried my hand at an analogy and found out that hey, I ain't cut out for them. Like I was saying. Sasuke is pure evil I tell ya. The only redeeming thing about him is the fact that we used to play together when we were kids. But really, even that can't make me like the guy like the rest of the population.

Why do I hate him so if we were such great buddies back when we were kids (back when we were babies in diapers actually)? Oh, I guess I forgot to add that it was BEFORE he backstabbed me and decided to ignore me because I wasn't good enough for his stuck up, pompous ass! He USED to be my _best_ friend. He USED to be awesome. Now, he is just an asshole with a superiority complex.

Anyways, the reason I am running an inner monologue about the guy I hate is because……uh, I hate him?

While I'm trying to work out a good reason, my good friend Kiba (whom I have known since we were about ten and is my best friend) shows up and takes the present opportune opening to grab me into a headlock and then proceeds to gnash his knuckles against my scalp. Which really hurts like hell!

"Ah, what the hell!! Let go, Kiba, you stupid dog bastard!" I yell, thrashing around.

He releases me with a howl of laughter which sounds remotely like, "Hahaha, I'm a stupid dog-loving bastard." Okay, so it doesn't really sound like that, but still. He really is a stupid dog-loving bastard.

Behind him, Gaara, Shikamaru, Chouji, and Lee appear, all of them looking none too worse for wear, well besides the last. Honestly, when you see us, this weird group of six people who have absolutely _nothing_ in common, the first word which probably comes to mind is 'misfits'. But uhm, I guess that is precisely the reason why we became friends. And by misfit, I don't mean…freaks all pulled together. I mean it in the way of…we don't have anything in common but enjoy hanging with each other. Only me and Gaara (as sad as it is) are considered misfits in the "holy crap, you're a freak, get the hell away from me" way. So we've been alone since we were kids. It's actually because of that loneliness that the two of us became friends.

"You're actually at school on time? This is a first," puts in Gaara, or more simply known as my other best friend whom I have known since we were in elementary school. He is raising a nonexistent eyebrow at me.

"Yeah, what's the occasion?" Kiba adds, having finished with his stupid fits of laughter at my pain which he was responsible for.

"Food?" comments Chouji, munching on his bag of chips or whatever snack he has chosen to eat this fine morning.

"Or perhaps, the springtime of youth is burning strongly within you this morning, Naruto-kun?" Lee chips in, his eyes becoming all fiery with passion.

I have half a mind to punch them (if I'm capable of even using half a mind since it is eight fucking eighteen in the morning…but then again, is it even _possible_ to have half of a mind to do anything?) but settle with a disgruntled, "Shut up. It's not like I _want_ to be at school on time. But when you're getting chased around your own apartment by a spatula-wielding sensei, who decided that this morning would be the perfect time to check up on you, in nothing but your boxers, soaked from head to toe, you tend to not really care that you're going to school on time. I almost got slapped silly by that spatula!!"

None of them miss my shudder and have a good laugh. Again, at my expense. Gaara just cocks his head and says amusedly, "Again?"

"Yes, again," I reply, sticking my tongue out at him like the child I am. Wait, that degrades me. Crap. Stupid eight twenty-one in the freakin' morning messing with my mind.

Shikamaru shakes his head at us and mutters something about us being so troublesome first thing in the morning. While he pretends to not act like it, Shikamaru is so a morning person. More than us at least. I mean, Lee is an insane man who woke up at the crack of dawn to run laps and all that other stuff, so I think that means he IS an awesome morning person, but…definitely _not_ sane. So Lee doesn't count. Chouji's alright 'cause all you need to do is open a bag of chips or some other food and he's up and running. Kiba is a pretty good morning person once he gets over the initial waking up process. I, on the other hand, am like a friggin' dead log in the mornings from wake up time to at least three hours later. And Gaara. Man, don't even get me started. If I'm a dead log, then he's a dead corpse or something. One time, I tried waking him up at eight because it was the opening of a movie that I wanted to see and geez. Serious repercussions. And not the good kind but the bad kind which I'm always faced with because I happen to always make stupid decisions. He had an iron hold on my neck, strangling me while the other hand was used to mercilessly beat me with his pillow! All with his eyes still closed! When I finally freed myself after twenty agonizing minutes, his eyes cracked open and I swear I would have pissed in my pants if I was able to. I ended up having nightmares for the next week straight!

So the point of this little storytelling; Shikamaru is the best morning person out of all of us. The most, _sane_ morning person, I mean.

The bells chimes and I unceremoniously let a groan slip at the sound. I have been up since _seven,_ an _ungodly hour_, and right now, all I want to do was just lay down and go to sleep.

As if sensing this, Kiba pats my shoulder and says, "Hey, think of it this way. At least you get to sleep in class like Shikamaru does."

"But that's 'cause Shikamaru's smart enough to afford being able to sleep in class!" I whine.

The lazy bum of our group actually makes the effort to roll his eyes and says, "Geez, stop yelling first thing in the morning, Naruto."

I just stick my tongue out at him before turning to Gaara who already seems to know what I'm gonna ask him. Damn. Now I KNOW that he's going to refuse. Buy hey, it's still worth a shot, right?

"Hey, Gaara."

"No."

Okay, apparently not. Darn. I knew it. Pouting, I try to pull off the best puppy dog eyes I can but I should have known better. Gaara and I have been friends for our whole entire lives (almost). There is no way he would fall for my puppy dog eyes having seen them countless of times before.

Getting up to his feet, Shikamaru pushes Kiba from behind and waves to us despite being in our class, Chouji following behind. Kiba protests loudly all the while and I can still hear his voice even when they're halfway across the campus. Lee gives us an enthusiastic wave before running after the others in his mad dash sprint…thingy. Those guys are just too energetic…and hate being tardy.

"Time to go to hell—I mean, class," I groan, dragging my feet over to my first class of the day with Gaara in tow. Throwing open the doors, a horde of girls glance over excitedly, readying little cardboard signs and probably some other stupid event that they have planned. However, upon seeing me enter, they send about fifty death glares my way. It's pretty funny though because the second Gaara walks in after me, they all pale simultaneously and back away from us.

I'm about to crack a joke to Gaara when screams fill the air. Screams which oddly sound like, "SASKAY-KUN! SASUKEY-KUN! SASUKAY! SASKAY-KUN, PLEASE LOOK OVER AT ME AND MY SLUTTY WARDROBE 'CAUSE I'M SO DESPERATE FOR YOUR ATTENTION!"

Wow, I wonder just how badly those fangirls are capable of butchering his name. Heh heh. He deserves it, the bastard.

Gaara wrinkles his nose in disgust at the noise but doesn't even bother to glare at the newcomer like I do. Instead, he turns to me and I groan out piteously, 'cause my eardrums feel like they're gonna freakin' burst, "God, they're at it again. There's nothing even good 'bout that bastard."

He doesn't bother to nod in agreement but it's understood. Gaara isn't very fond of Sasuke either because of what he did to me which suits me just fine because…I don't like him either. Although, Gaara's hatred for Sasuke is pretty over the top, not that I mind because if his is over the top, mine is so high you can't even see it anymore. I actually had to talk, and use physical force and restraint, Gaara (and actually all of my friends at some point in time) out of going over to Sasuke's house (cross that out and replace it with mansion) and beating him shitless. Sometimes I wish I hadn't though. It would have been funny.

Anyways, his fanclub gives him one meter of room all around because that's crossing into the precious pretty boy's personal space which is a big time no-no; taboo. And doing things that are taboo which relate to Sasuke will just get the official We Love Sasuke-kun Fanclub on your ass. Trust me, it ain't pretty. I saw what happened to the last girl that accidentally crossed over into that one meter restriction.

But really, I mean, I don't get what was so great about baka Sasuke. Sure, he's got pretty hair if you enjoy looking at a duck's friggin' butt that is! I am not kidding. The back of his hair reminds me of a duck's butt. Anyways, moving on. Aside from the duck butt hair which he has had since he was a kid (yes, I know that he doesn't abuse hair products like everyone thinks he does, that duck butt hair is natural), he's got really feminine features, hence being a "pretty" boy. His skin is this creamy pale like he doesn't stay in the sun long enough to tan but doesn't stay indoors all day long to end up an unhealthy shade of white like Sai. Ahem.

"You're about to fall."

The voice snaps me out of analyzing and I blink stupidly for a few seconds before the redhead's words finally sink in and I can feel my butt slowly slipping (which is already partially getting there) from the cold wood of our desks. Turning up so fast that I fall off my desk…I fall off my desk still and make a lot of noise which brings the whole entire class's attention towards me. Damn, I knew today was going to be a bad day the second I was soaked in icy cold water and forced to run away from my spatula-wielding sensei. In my boxers may I add.

Gaara snickers quietly and in return, I give him a really dirty glare as I whine at him, "You could have told me that earlier!! Now I fell because of yooouuu!"

Great! And now I have the whole class just staring at me like I've grown another head or have gotten a third eyeball to sprout on my forehead.

I am about to throw out a really reckless threat which I'm probably incapable of carrying out when a lazy voice says, "All right kids, get back into your seats and Naruto, pick yourself up from the floor.

Behind him, Shikamaru, Chouji, Kiba, and Lee come in as well. Which reminds me, what the hell took them so long in the first place when they were the ones that left to get here before us?

The crowd disperses and my butt eventually finds its way into the chair waiting for me. That's not all that is waiting for me, however, once I resurface. Unfortunately, the person sitting next to me happens to be, thanks to a wonderful force called fate (and alphabetic order by last name), why, Sasuke! And said person has a smirk playing at his lips, the smug look directed right at me. That damn bastard!

The rapping from up front draws away my attention for a few seconds.

Hatake Kakashi. Our history teacher. This man is insane. But in the good way. He has a mask covering the lower portion of his face and his left eye is covered which made his appearance just weird. He's also insanely lazy and always late. But hey, I like him. He's a good teacher and he usually lets me get away with sleeping in his class……for public humiliation later towards the end of the class. I can deal with it though…usually.

But back to hating Sasuke.

Oh wait…he's already gone back to paying attention to the teacher, efficiently ignoring me and refusing to acknowledge my existence. Damn it! Missed my chance. Oh well. For the rest of the class, I just lay my head in my arms and sleep. And just as I'm about to take a bite of hot, steamy, mouth-watering Ichiraku ramen, a sharp pain coming from the side of my head tugs me away from my dream (ramen).

"What the hell!! My ramen!! Nooooooo!! Give me back my ramen!! My one true loveeee!! My precious sweetheart!" I yell, panicking.

The burst of obnoxious laughter brings me out of my sleepy haze and my head pops up, a trail of drool dribbling down my cheek. I can vaguely see Gaara shaking his head and Kakashi-sensei shaking his head as well. Kiba points and laughs at me while Lee asks if I'm okay. Shikamaru chooses to ignore me, shaking his head and Chouji just munches away on his snack. I'm kinda irritated that someone would have the balls to wake me up from my ramen dream.

It is then that realization decides to slap me in the face and colors my cheeks a bright red. Oh god, I just blurted out my love for ramen like an idiot. I try to keep the horrified look down to a minimum (which doesn't work out as greatly as I want it to, bleh) as I sink down into my seat.

"Care to share your random, noisy, and completely unnecessary outburst on your 'one true love'?" smiles Kakashi-sensei from his spot up front. His smile is really unnerving because it's one of those, 'I'm more pissed at you than I'm letting on but smiling at you makes it more enjoyable for me' smiles and I hate those smiles…I get enough of them from Gaara (and on occasion Sai…and Kiba), sheesh.

I begin to sweat as my cheeks are still brightly colored and the sly, well-covered smirk from beside me does not go unnoticed. That stupid, stick up his ass bastard! Who the hell does he think he is, waking me up from my dream about ramen and then making me make a fool out of myself?!

"Teme…" I growl out before a clearing of the throat knocks my attention back to Kakashi-sensei and the chortling of the class. Great. Now I'm a misfit (in question), an ignored lump, AND a laughing stock. The last being because of stupid Sasuke!!

Why the hell is he pulling on my ear anyways? He has no reason to pull on my ear! That stupid bastard! What happened to ignoring each other's existences!?

"Well, Naruto? We're all waiting to hear your wonderful story."

I panic. What am I supposed to say?! C'mon, Naruto, you can talk yourself outta this! Just think…

"Uh… That is… You're freakin' awesome, Kakashi-sensei?" I try, giving him a sheepish grin.

Kakashi-sensei gives me a smile and says, "Pay attention." He turns back to his lecture and I turn to throw a really dirty glare at Sasuke who only smirks arrogantly back at me. I really should knock him down a peg—both pride and physical wise.

"You're such a stupid bastard," I hiss at him.

For a second, I don't think that he is going to answer back because we've barely spoken to each other in the past five or seven years. I don't remember anymore. I don't bother to remember. But nope, he just turns that superior Uchiha smirk of his on me and says evenly, "And you'll always be a dobe."

The familiar nickname tugs at my heartstrings despite the fact that it shouldn't. I think I'm angry at him for thinking that he can so casually refer to me by that name. That name is reserved for the younger Sasuke I knew back when we were still best friends, not this older, bitchier Sasuke that I hardly know or recognize and ignores me because he thinks that he's better than me now.

"Don't call me that," I growl through clenched teeth. Yup. That nickname is 'specially reserved for young Sasuke. Not you, heartless bastard old Sasuke.

He seems taken back by my strong reaction to the name but I think it's just the light playing tricks on my eyes because he's still smirking that arrogant smirk of his as he says, "It's fitting to call a dobe, dobe."

I want to punch him. Straight in the face. I really do. Because honestly, who the hell does he think he is, talking to me so casually and using nicknames that young Sasuke used to tease—and mostly insult—me with!

"You really get on my nerves, you annoying bastard!"

Oops. That came out a little bit louder than I wanted it to. And I'm up a little bit higher that I want to be. Wait, let's see……………Crap!! When did I get out of my chair!? And when did I yell that out!?

Kakashi stares up at me with a lazy eye and regards me with an amused smile. "Sit down, Naruto and please, try not to get that crazy impulse to just stand and blurt out random thoughts again. Or else."

"Ah…right. Sorry, Kakashi-sensei," I say sheepishly, sinking back down into my seat. Guah. I can actually _feel_ the murderous intent radiating off the girls in the class. Crazy.

Now I've got crazy fangirls after my ass for insulting their precious Sasuke. Great. I KNEW talking to him would do nothing but get me into trouble. I slump in my seat and shoot a sideways glance at the bastard who has gone back to ignoring my existence. But the second he catches me glaring at him, he smirks and I get that crazy impulse to just crash my fist into his face again. Funny, huh?

After class, I approach Gaara with a tired wave and he simply takes one look at me and asks, "Should I kill him for you now?"

I laugh but shake my head, "Nah, it's all good."

He looks skeptical but nods as the rest of our gang begins to join the two of us. The rest of the day is rather uneventful and I'm bored silly until the end of the day. The end of school, to be precise.

"Yo! What's up, guys?" I wave cheerfully as Kiba and Lee approach, completing our misfit group. Those two had mysteriously disappeared after class.

"Geez! Is there ever a time when that creepy kid ISN'T hanging around her?" mutters Kiba crestfallen, clearly annoyed.

Lee pats the dog lover comfortingly on the shoulder and replies passionately, "Do not give up, Kiba-kun! The springtime of youth will overcome even the toughest of tough obstacles! Do not let him stand in the way of your youthful love!"

"…Eh?" I'm rather confused because from what Lee is saying, it kinda sounds like Kiba's in love with someone. Which is funny because I thought he was only capable of loving dogs—Akamaru in particular. "Kiba's in love with someone?"

"You didn't know, Naruto?" ask Chouji, munching on some crackers.

Shikamaru just shakes his head and mutters, "Figures someone as oblivious as you wouldn't have noticed by now."

"Oblivious? Hey, I'm not oblivious! And what haven't I noticed?"

"Kiba likes Hyuuga Hinata," states Shikamaru simply.

Okay, hold on. Pause. And rewind _juuuuust_ a little. Kiba…likes Hyuuga Hinata? Hinata…? As in that weird girl that is constantly fidgeting and blushing like mad and stutters Hinata? Kiba, who is loudmouthed, rude, and annoying, likes shy, polite, and soft-spoken Hinata? Why the hell didn't he say anything earlier!?

"Why did you say something earlier!?" I squawk, pointing a finger at him. "How could you keep a thing like that from me, Kiba?! I thought we were friends!!"

Kiba slaps his forehead in annoyance as he says, "I told you two months ago!"

"…………I don't remember this."

"It's probably because you were too busy inhaling ramen at the time! Dammit. I knew I shouldn't have told you while you were eating ramen," moans the brunet.

"Oh…heh, my bad Kiba. My bad," I say with a sheepish smile as I rub the back of my neck. "But really man, how's it going? You asked her out yet?"

Kiba sighs at that and says, "I can't. Her cousin, Hyuuga Neji, is constantly watching over her and I swear, every time I go and try to ask, it's like he knows I'm coming and intercepts! And he's fuckin' scary man!"

We all give him a sympathetic look.

"Well, I'm going home guys before I get yelled at by my mom for coming late or something troublesome," remarks Shikamaru. Chouji follows as well since they live practically next door to each other after saying, "See you guys tomorrow!"

Lee is the next one to go. "I must go home and run one hundred laps around my neighborhood! Good bye! I will see you all tomorrow!"

With another heavy sigh, Kiba gives a wave and leaves as well, saying, "See ya."

I wave back and turn to find that Gaara is staring back at the school building. "Gaara? What're ya looking at?"

He turns back and shakes his head. "I'm going home now," is all he says and walks away, leaving me completely confused. Oookay, weird. For some reason, something feels really off today about our parting ways, but I just shrug. Whatever. Time to get home and eat some—sparkle sparkle—ramen!! Unfortunately, as I take one step forward, I realize that I've left my book back in the classroom and groan.

"Damn learning and books keeping me from my ramen!!" I whine to myself as I jog back to class. I hastily slide open the door to the class and stumble my way over to my desk. Huh? What the heck? Where'd my book go? I _know_ I left it on my desk! Whining (in a very manly way may I add), I'm about to sulk when I spot Sasuke's stuff still neatly packed on his desk. What the crap is his stuff still doing here?

Looking around for any intruders, I can't help myself and begin to snoop around his things, even taking some of them out. Geh, it's just the usual boring stuff like notebooks and textbooks. I flip through one of his notebooks (maybe I can make a quick copy of his notes, he actually writes down some pretty useful stuff as opposed to my notes which are just random doodles) when a pink envelope slips out and flutters onto the desktop. "Sasuke carries around pink envelopes?"

Despite my better judgment, I end up picking up the envelope between my fingers and stare at it with a grin. Sasuke's name is written neatly in pretty ink on the front. I'm vaguely aware of the whole 'curiosity killed the cat' phrase, but I don't care because one, that doesn't make ANY sense, and two, I'm REALLY curious and I'm not a cat so curiosity can't kill me! HA! Take that!

Flipping over the envelope to the back, to my luck, I find that it's sealed. Darn. Where can I find some steam??

The sounds of the approaching footsteps cause me to jump, startled. Craaap! I try telling myself not to panic, and before those footsteps can reach the classroom, I bolt outta there like I've got a just woken up Gaara, ate the last chip Chouji, beat Akamaru silly Kiba, springtime of youth mad dash Lee, and spatula-wielding Iruka-sensei on my ass (Shikamaru wouldn't chase after me to kick my ass, no, he would use more manipulative ways which wouldn't require him to even lift a foot)! I ran so fast that a trail of dust was actually behind me! And there is no way in hell I am stopping anytime soon!! Eventually, I make it to my apartment, the only apartment on the floor just above the roof, panting and entirely out of breath. It is only then that I see a flash of pink and realize that I've still got the love letter to Sasuke in my hand.

"Ah snap."

Rubbing my messy blond spikes, I groan and let myself into my quiet home calling out, "I'm home."

There's no response, but that's to be expected since I live by myself and Iruka-sensei only stopped by in the morning. Dropping my backpack onto the floor, my eyes stay glued to that stupid pink envelope which has the faint scent of perfume lingering on it. It's calling my name. I swear that it's calling my name!! It's saying, _Open me, Naruto. You know you wanna. C'mon. Open me. Opeeen meeee, Narutoooo. _

My fingers twitch and while I try to uphold my morals, I crash with one more, _Open meee!_ sung by yours truly, the envelope. My lips stretch out into a large grin. Hey, why should I ignore the little thing's request? That would just be mean.

Okay, okay, now, what did Kiba tell me about steaming open letters? Something about steam and sealed envelopes… Boiling water makes steam! Genius, Uzumaki Naruto! You are a freakin' genius. OH! And boiled water makes cup ramen!! Even more genius!! Am I good or what?

Grinning to myself, I hurriedly boil a pot of water and once the steam rises, I carefully position the envelope above it and unseal it. Doing a small victory dance, the water gets dumped into the awaiting cup ramen. Hey, no point in wasting good ramen water, right? Now, I've got three whole minutes to give this love letter my full, undivided attention.

My fingers pluck out the carefully folded piece of some funky light shade of purple paper, and unfolding it, I make a face at the horrid scent of perfume. Ew. What the heck did this fangirl do?! Dump the whole damn bottle of perfume onto this one sheet or something!? EW! The stench is disgusting!! …Better get it away from my precious ramen. It could be contagious!!

When I'm a good distance away from my ramen (save its precious soul from this crap smelling perfume), I read through the letter and with each word I read, my cheeks begin to turn a darker shade of red as I try to hold in my laughter. And unfortunately, by the end of the letter (complete with little hearts and stars and names written together inside of a heart in that you plus me equals love-slash-heart way—only there are no names aside from baka Sasuke's because this girl has decided to remain 'anonymous' and as a 'secret creepy stalker admirer'), I am rolling on the floor, clutching my stomach and laughing uninhibitedly as tears leak from my screwed eyes. Holy. Crap. I did NOT know that girls—_teenage girls_ were capable of writing such…such…mushy, cheesy, makes you wanna throw up, sappy, overly sentimental crap!

This…This _thing_ is so mushy, I can't even read a single word out loud without bursting into laughter!! Not only that, but it actually is making me want to throw up it's so girly and ooh-lala-y with its emotional, sentimental smuck. Oh god, my eyes! My eyes! They burn!! People should NOT be able to write such a honey globbed, sugar coated love letter! It should be a friggin' felony!! I quickly shove the offending thing back into its little pink envelope (decorated with more hearts and smileys) and shudder as I push it as far away as possible. The only problem is I don't wanna touch it with my bare hands. Thus, I sit here with a spatula in one hand, the same one Iruka-sensei was threatening to kill me with this morning, pushing it as far away as possible.

At this point, I actually almost feel sorry for the bastard Sasuke who probably gets a ton of these letters each day. Keyword here being _almost _though. In my opinion, that stupid asshole deserves this and a million more! I hope that one day, he gets a love letter drenched in perfume and with explicit porn written on the inside of all the naughty things his fangirl wants to do with him, a pair of handcuffs, jelly donuts, and a paddle. Oh ew! The mental images!! Oh, sick!! This is even worse than the time I got a full back view of Lee in that damn spandex suit when we were playing Twister thanks to that dumbass Kiba! Eww! Crap!! Now THOSE images are running through my head with those other ones!! And this time, I did it to myself!! Oh god, gimme a bucket, I'm gonna hurl!

I rush to my ramen at this point because sweet, merciful, _heavenly_ ramen can just wash away everything (those mental images my brain so cruelly produced of Sasuke, his fangirl, twenty packs of jelly donuts, handcuffs, and a paddle and of Lee) and just leave me with nothing but pure sweet bliss in heaven. The first delightful bite is so amazing, I completely forget about the letter, the contents of said letter, and the mental images which I can no longer remember what they were of or why they were so scarring in the first place. It is only when I've run out of noodles and soup and I am peering sadly at the bottom of the empty cup do I realize: I have to return that love letter to Sasuke.

"Aw snap!!"

And those mental images of getting a full view of every stinkin' curve of Lee's behind in a tight spandex suit and of Sasuke thrown into a mix of explicit porn involving paddles, handcuffs, and jelly donuts? Yeah, those are all coming back to me, too, now that I no longer have any ramen to block them out. Ugh… I'm really contemplating gouging my eyes out with an ice cream scoop and plunging them into holy water in hopes that it will rinse off those horribly scarring images which will have me needing to visit a therapist in the near future. But honestly, I don't think even _that_ will help me at this point.

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A/N: I'm actually really nervous 'bout this one because I feel like Naruto is becoming waay too OOC since it's being told from his perspective and it's a high school fic, that means so many things can go wrong but I guess that's what makes it fun? :nervous laugh: But I'll just shut up now 'bout all that.

Well, I hope you enjoyed it and as always, reviews would be greatly appreciated :3


	2. In Front of the Bathroom

Warning:Yaoi, language, OOCness (hopefully not too bad)

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or any of its characters in anyway. I only write to entertain others and for my own strange, twisted, yet loveable amusement. (And, I only envy Kishimoto Masashi for being able to think up of such a manga and characters! And Naruto and Sasuke are lovable in their own ways and together—bringing out the best and the worst in the other X3)

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Caught in Awkward Moments

Chapter Two: In Front of the Bathroom

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After twenty minutes of some serious eye scrubbing and mind repurifying, I have finally gotten rid of _those images_. Ugh, I shudder at even the mention of the words. Now, onto my other problem.

How to return the mysterious pink envelope with its perfume drenched purple love letter and so many hearts and other stupid decorations that it's making my eyes go all swirly.

Damn it. I am NOT going to enjoy this. How am I even supposed to return this to him? Go to school early and slip it on his desk when no one is there? But hell, that would require me to wake up _super early! _I groan so loudly that my neighbor in the floor below me smashes her broomstick into her ceiling, yelling in that shrilly voice of hers, "Be quiet!!" Naturally, I ignore her.

Wait a minute… If I remember correctly, back when we were younger, Sasuke always went to school early. I only remember this because he used to stop by my house and drag my half-asleep ass to school with him, the stupid prick. That means… I have to get there at like the crack of dawn just to beat the pretty boy there!! Oh please just shoot me now and get it over with already. Wait a minute…if I go to school early and put the stupid letter on Sasuke's desk, then I can just sleep until school starts without fear of being late! Yes! Oh, I am such a genius, throwing a bird to kill two stones. Wait, wait…is that even the right phrase?

Complimenting myself for a few minutes longer, I lay my head down on my desk, cheek pressed up against the wood and let out a satisfied sigh. Maybe…he'll get into an accident involving eggs and peanut butter on the way and he'll be late. Or, or maybe some old lady will fall and he'll end up having to help her. Or even better, she'll blame him for her fall and end up suing him which ends with baka Sasuke losing everything. That would be awesome.

As I run more fantasies through my head, I slowly begin to drift off to sleep. It would have been a great deal more enjoyable if my alarm clock didn't shrill in my ear with its annoying ringing an hour later!

My head perking up and my eyes not quite open, my head falls back onto my desk and my cheek lands into the little puddle of drool I've accumulated over the last hour. The ringing keeps going and gets—I swear, my alarm clock is possessed or something!—louder and louder and louder until it's a high-pitched whining sound which has got my neighbor downstairs slamming her broom handle into her ceiling and screaming bloody murder. Automatically, my hand slams down on the snooze button and it shuts up…for five seconds before starting up all over again. I'm telling ya, that thing is possessed. It never shuts up completely until I'm awake.

Unable to stand the whining of my alarm and the ramming broom of my neighbor, I finally wake up, bleary and feeling like I'm drugged. Geez, I only get an hour of sleep before everyone decides to ruin it. Glancing over at my clock, the hands are pointing at the twelve and the eight. It's only eight? Weird. Hey…was eight in the night always so damn bright?

Squinting until my eyes were mere slits, I catch of glimpse of my window which is brighter than the headlights of a car headed straight for you. It's so bright, I have to turn my eyes away, hissing. Stupid lights. And great, unless I'm hallucinating, I am now hear birds chirping. Birds…chirping. At eight pm?

My mind, which is still asleep, garbles out to me to put the damn puzzle pieces together myself and when I do, it's already eight fifteen.

Oh holy shit!! It's eight fifteen in the _morning!!_ I slept through the entire day yesterday!? No, more importantly, I'm late! One more tardy and my ass is in after school detention for a week!

Azure eyes flying open, I trip over the legs of my chair as I abruptly stand up and attempt to run at the same time. I make a break for the toaster, throwing in a pop-tart before running to my bathroom to take the fastest shower I have ever taken in my life! I'm only in there for a grand total of seven point three seconds and once I'm out, my hands are groping for a fresh new uniform. Flinging the towel to some indiscernible place and grabbing the fresh clothes, I try to get dressed while brushing my teeth _and_ drying my blond locks with another towel. By the time I've got my uniform on, it's askew and messy but who gives a damn; least I ain't naked. I toss my hair drying towel somewhere off to the floor and rinse out my mouth before diving for my keys, backpack, and my pop-tart which has popped up from the toaster.

Once I'm out the door, which is locked, I sprint faster than Lee when he is in the middle of his springtime of youth dash, my breakfast between my teeth. It's eight twenty-nine when I slide through the closing gates, just barely making it through by the skin on my neck. Willing my legs to go faster, I skid around a corner and burst in through the door, nearly sliding it all the way into the wall.

"SAFE!"

Every single pair of eyes stare up at me and I let out a sheepish grin, rubbing the back of my head. "Uh, morning guys."

"You're lucky man. Kakashi-sensei ain't here yet," grins Kiba, slinging an arm around my shoulders.

I return the grin, doing a small victory dance. "Yeay! No detention for Uzumaki Naruto today! Heh!"

Shrugging off the arm, I head over to my desk and plop down, a yawn stretching my mouth. Despite over thirteen hours of sleep, I am still really tired. Some girl, Ino, comes up over to Sasuke and despite knowing better, I eavesdrop on their conversation—er rather, her one-sided conversation to him, because I'm in the right spot and it doesn't require any movement or hard thinking.

She gives a nervous giggle and smoothes out her skirt, before calling out, "Sasuke-kun."

He barely even gives her a second glance—or a first for that matter. The dark haired boy does nothing to acknowledge her presence. I'm not shocked though. He's been like that since we were little, ignoring people he doesn't care for (meaning practically everyone).

"I was wondering if you," Ino pauses to let a shy blush paint her cheek, "got my letter from yesterday."

At those words, I let out a loud squawk of surprise and abruptly get up to my feet, the legs of my chairs scraping against the floor. "Wha-Wha-Wha-Wha-What?! That letter was from you?! _You_ wrote that mush-filled crap letter to Sasuke?! Why the heck would you write something like that!?"

At this point, Sasuke, who has not even bothered to give that poor girl even a second of his time, turns to face me, an eyebrow arching in question. As is everyone in the class. Man, I'm getting this feel of déjà vu kicking me in the head. It kinda hurts.

"What? What's it to you, Naruto?" cries the girl, face shadowed in growing anger. She held up a twitching fist. "And how do you even know that I wrote Sasuke-kun a letter?!"

Before I can even get a chance to properly defend myself, Ino keeps going, a crowd of people now coming over to watch this spectacle. "Tell me, Naruto. How do you know that I wrote Sasuke-kun a letter? And why should you even care? Unless… Naruto, do you _like_ Sasuke-kun?"

I splutter, face red, "Wha-Wha-What??"

"Why else would you get so worked up over me writing Sasuke-kun a letter? Because I know for certain that you don't like me," she figures logically, smirking in triumph. The smirk quickly falls to a frown as she realizes just what her own words means. And the damage that they've done.

I choke on my spit, coughing too violently to explain myself and deny those absurd claims. Gaara steadily pounds on my back as I keep coughing and hacking. My only thought, besides wanting to live through this spit choking incident, is: How the _hell_ does she come to a conclusion like _that?! _

"It's okay, Sasuke-kun! We'll protect you from guys like _him_," sneer a few of his fangirls, trying to crowd around his desk but ending up bickering with each other over who got to stand next to him.

When I finally catch my breath and the coughs have stopped, I glance over to find obsidian eyes staring intently at me. What the heck? Has he been staring at me the whole time? That bastard can't seriously think that I _like_ him, can he!?

"Wait!! You guys can't seriously think that I _like_ Sasuke! I mean, he's a _guy!_ And a complete and utter asshole!" I yell at last, my cheeks still burning. Just the thought makes my skin crawl!! Really, how can anyone think that I actually like that bastard Sasuke when they fully know just how much the two of us hate each other?

Unfortunately, a girl shakes her head and says, skeptically, "Now that I think about it, it all makes sense. The reason why Naruto hates Sasuke-kun so much. It's because he has a crush on Sasuke-kun! Because you know, that's how boys are like. They always pretend to hate and fight with their crush all the time because that's the only way they know how to convey their feelings. Plus, the fact that Naruto keeps denying it like his life is on the line just makes it even more obvious. Naruto really _does_ have a crush on Sasuke-kun!"

"Hey, it does make sense when you put it that way…"

"Ugh, that's kinda gross though."

"I always had a feeling that Naruto didn't like girls."

"Poor Sasuke-kun."

"Yeah, I feel sooo bad for Sasuke-kun, being liked by a guy like Naruto. That's just the worst."

This…isn't fair. This isn't fair!! How can those people believe that? I stab my finger at everyone and open my mouth to fully refute those comments when Kakashi-sensei chooses that exact moment to come in and steal my one chance at clearing up this stupid misunderstanding.

Everyone is heading back to their seats. Everyone thinks I like Sasuke. Worst of all, Sasuke thinks I like him.

"This isn't fair… This isn't fair!!" I whine from my spot, eyes wide and mouth gaping.

Kakashi-sensei just smiles cheerfully at me and I'm tempted to just jump out the window. This is so not fair!

By lunchtime, word has spread around through the whole entire school and everyone thinks that I have a crush on baka Sasuke. And I mean, _everyone. _

"It's not fairrrrr!" I whine for the umpteenth time, burying my face into my arms and whining. This has been going on for the past ten minutes and I'm pretty sure that by now, all of my friends are annoyed to the point where they just want to shove their food into my face to shut me up.

"Life's not fair. Suck it up, Naruto," says Kiba offhandedly, rolling his eyes at me.

"But I mean, it's not fair! Why does this have to happen to me, the great Uzumaki Naruto-sama, out of everyone? And why does it have to be that stupid bastard?" I complain, lifting up my head to pout. "This day really sucks! First, I'm almost late to school. Then, because I slept away the whole entire day yesterday, I didn't do ANY of my homework and am getting chewed out for that. Then, I can't find my book _anywhere_ and I've looked _everywhere_ _possible_ for it! And finally, THIS! There are no words to even explain what THIS is! What the hell is THIS!?"

Shikamaru sighs, "God, so troublesome. It's your own fault, Naruto."

"What?! How it is my fault?!"

"You were the one who shouted at Ino for giving a love letter to Sasuke," points out Chouji in the midst of shoveling food into his mouth.

Lee nods at this as well, adding, "He has a point, Naruto-kun. You DID get rather jealous when you found out that she had given Sasuke-kun a love letter."

"I wasn't jealous!!" I screech, horrified. That's what everyone thought?! That I was jealous?! This is even worse than I had originally thought…

"Forget it," mutters Gaara, having finished his meal. "You becoming flustered will do nothing but encourage the rumors."

I moan in annoyance, saying with exasperation, "I'm not flustered! And more importantly, even you think that too, Gaara? This is unbelievable!"

Kiba knocks the back of my head with his knuckles, fed up with my loudmouthed complaining. However, after a moment of thought, he leans forward and says a bit curiously, "But hey, Naruto… You don't actually…_like_ that Sasuke, right? I mean, 'cause, you really were freaking out back there with the whole letter thing."

I explode.

"Hell no! Of course I don't like that stupid prick!! How could you even _think_ that, Kiba?! You stupid dog bastard!! Some friend you are!" I huff, giving him a hard shove and crossing my arms. I'm sulking now, eyes narrowed and cheeks puffed out because I can't believe that even my friends are doubting me now. We have known each other for years, and they have the balls to think that I actually like Sasuke after what he did to me? Ha! I'd rather date Gaara or even Kiba than that asshole… Not that I like guys or anything! I like girls! Yeah, girls! …Ugh, how the hell did THIS happen to me…

A group of girls point over at us and I'm positive I hear the words 'Sasuke', 'like', 'guys'. Good bye school life.

"Why meeee? It's so unfair!!"

"Why does it bother you so much anyways, Naruto?" comments Shikamaru lazily, playing with the straw of his juice box. "A baseless rumor like this will just be blown away in a few days. And besides, as long as you know that the rumor's false and Sasuke knows that, there's really no problem, right?"

A tick in my eye, I say uncertainly, "We-Well, I mean, I guess…but still! It bothers me! It bothers me one hundred percent! I mean, what if Sasuke _doesn't_ know that it's not true?! What then?! Oh god, what if he likes me and…"

Before I can let my imagination run wild, Kiba hits my head and rolls his eyes. "Dumbass. If anything, I'd say that the chances of you liking him are way higher than him liking you."

"Geh! What?!"

"Anyways," begins Shikamaru again, sighing, "to blow this baseless rumor away, all you have to do, Naruto, is start an even bigger and wilder rumor."

I hold my cheek thoughtfully as I repeat, "An even bigger and wilder rumor… Hmm…"

Kiba, unable to hold himself back, laughs, "Why don't you just start a rumor about pretty boy? That'll be sure to blow away anything since his fangirls are so rabid. Like, oh I dunno, pretty boy is actually the one in love with you."

"That'll never work," Gaara points out, returning to his drink.

Shikamaru nods in agreement, "He's right. You have to think of something that is reasonable, yet outrageous at the same time."

Pouting, I huff, "What the hell, then? There's nothing like that. Baka Sasuke never does anything wrong in the eyes of those damn fangirls. He's like a sparkly icon in their stupid world. Hmph!"

Next to me, Lee suddenly suggests helpfully, "Naruto-kun, instead of trying to ruin Sasuke-kun, why don't you just tell him that the rumor isn't true."

I stare at him skeptically. Yeah, let's just go up to bastard Sasuke and say, "Hey, Sasuke, that rumor about me liking you? Yeah, completely not true. So, don't think I like you and accidentally try to come onto me 'cause secretly, you like me too, 'kay?" Like that would ever work. I snort loudly and shake my head. Going to tell Sasuke something like that would only encourage him to mock me about it. Flopping down on the desk, I say loudly, "Ah, forget it! So what if people think I like Sasuke?! Who cares? As long as you guys and the bastard know that it's not true, I don't care. ……Even if it means the end of my school life."

The dog loving brunet next to me grins and pats me sympathetically on the back, saying, "That's right, Naruto. Just forget about it. Just ignore those whispers in the hallways and finger jabs in your directions and the rabid fangirls coming up to you and interrogating you endlessly because you're _in love_ with their prince charming."

Throwing off his hand from my shoulder, I glare at him before it falls short and I'm back to sighing in misery. It's loud, breathy, and leaves everyone around me falling into a similar black mood. But I can't help it because, now, everyone thinks that I am in love with Uchiha Sasuke, the bitchiest bastard I have ever met, including the said bastard, and there's no way I can prove that it's not true. There's a silence between all of us which lets me I wallow in peace.

"Maybe you should get a girlfriend or something to throw off the rumors?" Kiba suddenly says, chewing on his sandwich. He thrusts the bitten sandwich in my direction for emphasis.

At the idea, I perk up slightly and ask, eyes wide, "Do you really think that would work?"

"Granted that you find someone who's willing to pretend to be your girlfriend," shrugs the dog lover, grinning as he takes another bite.

And then I deflate again, stealing a half of his sandwich and cramming part of it into my mouth. Mouth full, I say, while giving everyone a lovely view of the mass of chewed up sandwich in my mouth, "There's no one that's gonna be willing to do that for me though."

Lee, being ever obliging, advises once more, "Just undo the misunderstanding between you and Sasuke-kun, Naruto-kun. That way, Sasuke-kun will understand that it is just a mistake and he will help to disperse the rumor."

"I think you're hoping for too much, Lee," chomps Chouji realistically. The rest of the boys nod their heads in agreement. Sasuke isn't so kind as to help discourage the rumor. He would do just the opposite if it meant getting to watch me suffer. I sigh, popping the last of the sandwich into my mouth and chewing thoughtfully.

As we sit in another silence, Gaara pips, "How did you even know that girl wrote a letter to him, Naruto?"

I freeze, giving a nervous chuckle as I swallow the lump of chewed food. Damn, I had secretly been hoping that Gaara wouldn't be sharp enough to point that out. Scratching the back of my head, I reach into my pocket and pull out the slightly crumpled pink envelope, holding it up for all of them to see. Gaara visibly reels back in disgust, giving the thing a death glare as though it would burst into a fiery pile of ashes.

"Geez, Ino didn't do such a great job on keeping herself anonymous," mutters Kiba, leaning away from it as well. "That thing practically screams 'Ino'."

"What _is_ that?" he asks quietly, pale jade green eyes narrowed and glued to the pink threat held between my fingers.

Letting out another nervous laugh, I explain, "Yesterday, I went back to class to go get my book—which reminds me, I never got it! Where the hell is it?!—and Sasuke's stuff was still there. And you guys know me. I started looking through it some and _that_ fell out of one of his notebooks. By this time though, he was already heading back for the classroom so I split and when I arrived home, bookless and tired, I noticed I was still holding onto that little pink thing. Funny, huh?"

"So, you _stole _his love letter, _read_ it in the confidence of your own home, and then _yelled_ at the girl who gave it to him?" sums up Shikamaru, raising an eyebrow at my stupidity.

My shoulders move up in a shrug as I say carelessly, "Yeah, pretty much."

"That decides it," nods the dark haired boy lazily. "Naruto, you definitely deserved everything that happened to you today. You brought it upon yourself. Ever heard of karma?"

Kiba slings an arm around my shoulders and grins wolfishly, "Karma is biting you in the ass. Hard."

I groan, slumping over my desk again. Back to wallowing I suppose. Because apparently, I messed with karma and now that it's pissed, it's getting its revenge on me as thoroughly as possible; and as painfully as it can. Stupid karma. As I beat a punching bag with the words 'karma' written on it with a metal bat in my mind, I stand up and mutter, "I'm going to the toilet."

They wave me away, holding up the pink envelope with disgust. I snatch it back, shoving it into my back pocket and making my way to the restrooms indignantly. As I throw open the doors, I find the last person on this stupid planet that I want to see. You guessed it. The bastard Uchiha, washing his hands nonchalantly and not even sparing a glance in my direction (even though he could see me in the mirrors anyway). I am tempted to say, "Whoops, wrong room" and just leave, but even I'm not so stupid as to know that it wouldn't work. As a matter of fact, it would probably just encourage those stupid rumors of me being helplessly in love with that loser. Hmph! If anything, _he_ would be one in love with _me,_ the great Uzumaki Naruto-sama!

Okay, crap, I really gotta pee. As I go to relieve myself, I catch Sasuke purposefully still washing his hands in a painfully slow way which hints that he has something to say to me. Although, what the heck would that bastard want…oh right, I'm hopelessly 'in love' with him.

I walk over to the sink to wash my own hands, choosing the one on the other end deliberately to ignore him. Once done, I turn to the towel dispense and as I'm pulling one out, Sasuke suddenly invades my personal space and is right behind me. I mean, like, I can freakin' feel his body heat radiating off of him and his breath fanning against the back of my neck causing the hairs there to stand up on end. A strangled squeak leaves my mouth as I twist the upper half of my body around and yell, "Wh-What the heck do you think you're doing?! Ge-Get off me, dammit!"

It is about then when I finally notice a pale hand snatching a paper towel to wipe dry wet hands. Needless to say, my face floods red against my own wishes and I can't seem to find my tongue to release a long string of filthy curse words, each more colorful that the last. Although at this point, I think that's a good thing because I think I would have been doing more nervous, stupid stuttering than cursing.

"Just what the hell did you think I was doing?" he asks pointedly, not even bothering to comment. His face is blank and I let out a nervous laugh which backfires into a heehawing noise. Damn, I just did the best donkey impression ever! Ha! I knew I was good!! …Too bad it was at the wrong place at the wrong time.

Mouth gaping in horror and face red, I artfully closed my mouth and swallow the gathering saliva in my throat. He just keeps staring at me, gleaming onyx orbs locked on my face, and I am now sweating. I rack my brain for an excuse, _any_ excuse that would make me seem less perverted and well…moronic.

"Uhh…I thought you were a burglar trying to steal my wallet in my back pocket?" I try. Man, if it even sounds stupid to me, just how stupid does it sound to Sasuke who's currently looking at me like I'm the stupidest idiot in the world.

There's an eerie silence, because Sasuke is trying to process my idiocy, and I am compelled into yelling out thoughtlessly (like nearly a third of all my comments), "Are you – Is this about that rumor? 'Cause—"

Sasuke appears to be on the verge of rolling his eyes, and does so, without actually rolling them. It's a talent of his. He quirks a brow but continues all the same, "I don't believe in such stupid, time wasting things like rumors. Got that, dobe?"

For both our sakes, more mine than his, I do not answer back, keeping my mouth zipped tight. While I feel immensely relieved that baka Sasuke isn't stupid enough to believe rumors like that, I also feel somewhat crestfallen at his answer. It's weird, but the feeling keeps jabbing into my side like the point of a just-sharpened pencil.

It takes me awhile to notice a flash of pink waving in my face as I'm trying to figure out how to get that jabbing feeling to stop. When I finally DO notice it, my face flushes red again and he just stares at me like he has been doing from the very beginning. There's nothing I should feel so embarrassed about. He knows fully well that it isn't from me, but nevertheless, the fact that he's waving it in front of me makes me feel as though it is mine.

"Although, if I hadn't seen it for myself, I really wouldn't have believed it," he finishes, a tint of mirth lining his voice as he makes the envelope flutter with a single movement of his fingers.

"Wh-What're you talking 'bout?"

Sasuke just smirks arrogantly and walks away, hands still dripping wet and an unused paper towel scrunched together with a pink envelope in one hand. With a flick of his wrist, both items are tossed into the trash can and he leaves the bathroom without making a sound. Baffled at his comment and kind of pissed off at his calm attitude, I rush out of the bathroom and yell at his retreating back, "What the hell is _that_ supposed to mean, you bastard?!"

There is no one in the halls to witness this spectacle.

He is only a few steps ahead of me, not that far at all. If I reached out, I could have touched him. But I don't, of course. Instead, I wait for him to turn around and our eyes lock. This may be the wrong time to point this out, but if this were some kind of anime, I seriously think that blue sparks would be flying between me and Sasuke right 'bout now. And I would so totally be kicking his ass! Yeah!

Ahem, anyways. We're both quiet, just glaring at each other in contempt. His hands are securely in his pockets while mine are bunched up into tight fists beside me. Just another show of who has better control over their emotions. Unfortunately, I, for one, cannot stand the silence and I repeat heatedly, "What the hell is that supposed to mean, you bastard?"

There's a short pause and I almost think that he is just going to turn back around and keep walking away. However, the corners of his lips curl upwards into a haughty smirk and he says, "Exactly what it implies, usuratonkachi."

Urgh! There it is again! Special childhood nickname and taunt number two specially reserved for younger Sasuke. This time, I know for sure that I'm angry with him for using it. For thinking that he still had the right to call me that after what he did.

"Don't call me that!" I snap, jaw clenched and brows knit together in frustration. Hearing that name from his lips makes me feel like there's still a chance for us to mend our broken friendship. It makes me feel as though that's what I want when I don't. I don't, not anymore.

The smirk doesn't disappear and instead, Sasuke only whispers pointedly, stressing each syllable as though he knew what I had been thinking, "Usuratonkachi."

"Stop calling me that, you stupid bastard!" I yell, glaring daggers. "And back in that bathroom, what you said 'bout that weird rumor of me being in love with you…!"

My voice trails off. He is calm as ever, a brow raised high and obsidian eyes gleaming at me tauntingly. It pisses me off, the fact that he can always keep such a level head and stay completely calm in even the worst situations while I'm standing here yelling my head off until my voice goes hoarse!

I hate it.

I hate it all.

The fact that baka Sasuke thinks he knows everything to the point where he just degrades everyone else because they aren't up to his standards. The fact that he always maintains that air of calm collectedness around him, not even fazed by the most shocking of all things which would have any normal person (me) standing around, gaping like a fish out of water and screaming like a school girl with a burning crush. I hate it. It irritates me more than anything makes me feel inferior despite there being no reason for me to! I'm ten bajillion times better than him!!

My mouth opens to complete my last declaration, "Guess what!? It's _true!! _You're right again! That stupid rumor is true just like you thought_, _you stupid asshole!"

………………That…sounded really different from, "You're a stupid asshole that can't predict the future so stop acting all damn high and mighty like you're some kinda prince of some lame ass royalty." As a matter of fact, now that I reflect on it, it didn't sound ANYTHING like that. It actually sounded like I was confessing to him. But that's really stupid because, I hate him. Point blank. I _hate_ him.

……Oh. My. Fucking. God.

What have I just done? What have I just said?! WHAT HAVE I DONE?! NOOOO!

My own mouth is hanging open but my voice refuses to sound as my larger than normal azure eyes stare at his own, now fully snapped open obsidian ones. Despite the whole situation, I am actually proud of myself, unexpectedly, because that is obviously NOT what that Sasuke bastard was expecting. His own lips were parted as his eyes doubled their normal size. He isn't calm and in control of the situation like he always is. And, it is a rather refreshing sight to see, if I get past the part where I CONFESSED to him, like some stupid giddy school fangirl who just saw the celebrity of her dreams for the first time in person!

"Wh…What…?" His voice comes out breathy and mentally, I'm smirking at the sound. It feels good to have finally caught him off guard. But once again, I _confessed_ to him! What the hell?! Oh man. Why does my mouth keep having to open and put me into these weird positions?

Despite being blindsided by my sudden, completely unexpected (by both parties, mind you) his voice still sounds ever murderous to me. Why do I get the feeling that I've just signed my death warrant?

"You _what?" _he repeats, taking a step forward, having yet to regain his composure. I know that I'm like, five billion times cooler than Sasuke in every aspect and that he can't scare me with his pretty boy looks, but right about now, at the moment, he seems to be pretty intimidating. (HA! Horrible pun intended, 'cause I'm so awesome like that, my mind can even think of puns when I'm in a really weird, tense predicament!)

Taking a slight step back, I utter, just as bewildered as him, "Uh…I…"

It's too late to pass this off as a joke, right?

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A/N: Wow, this took a really long time for me to get out :frowns: I'm generally not really happy with how it's turning out and it's only the second chapter! Haha! I guess it's because I'm so unused to first person and humor, it's kinda harder for me to write this. I really hope I can improve so that this can become into something that is worth reading, although I'm not quite sure as to whether I'll continue this or not, still thinking (I prefer writing angst SasuNaru 'cause it's more fun XD). Either way, sorry!


	3. Playing Pretend

Warning: Yaoi, language, OOCness (hopefully not too bad), bad humor, mistakes because it is unbetaed

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or any of its characters in anyway. I only write to entertain others and for my own strange, twisted, yet loveable amusement.

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Caught in Awkward Moments

Chapter Three: Playing Pretend

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There is a time in every man's life when they must make a crucial decision which their very live hangs on: run like hell or just stand there like a gawking idiot. Obviously, I choose the latter because I _can't_ move. I am physically stuck to the damn floor and my feet won't move, which is very unappreciated because this means that I am still stuck in front of a murderously shocked Sasuke who looks like he is 'bout ready to just bite my freakin' head off!!! And, I don't know about the next person or you, but I LIKE my head attached to my body!! It's, as hard as this is to believe, _happy_ there!

"Uh…that is……I, uh…" I fumble for the right words to say in order to lessen his intimidation and all it earns me is another step forward by yours truly, Sasuke.

"You _what,_ Naruto?"

Before I know it, I'm backed up against the bathroom door, sweating profusely and laughing with a nervous tick in my eye. Just what the hell does he want from me? What more does he expect me to say after spilling out my guts (fake feelings) to him? Okay, time for me to talk myself out of this one. Now brain, you don't like me and I'm not particularly fond of you either, _but_ if we can't pull this off, you're going down with me. I'll eat you into a ramen-induced coma dammit! Got that?! Alright, so let's work together to come up with something. C'mon, we can do it! Let's see…

"That is, uh, I like you?"

…_What the hell?!_ No, stupid brain!! You lying, bastard of a traitor!! That's it, I warned you!! I'm eating you into a ramen-induced coma now!! I swear, I'll kill you! I will kill you brain!!! You traitor! You horrible traitor!

Sasuke barely manages to regain his composure from that second blow, although his eye is suffering from a spasm. For a few minutes, we just remain silent as though trying to murder our traitorous brains, you know, for stabbing its owner and master in the back in a time of need. He finally opens his mouth only to shut it right afterwards, his obsidian eyes gleaming at me. It almost feels like…Sasuke is trying to confirm my sincerity or something stupid like that. Well, at least that's what the guy in this chick flick was doing when the girl suddenly confessed to him. Wait, no, don't get me wrong! I don't watch chick flicks. I was forced into watching one with my friend, Sakura-chan. I swear!

"You," he begins finally, still intimidating for a pretty boy. The awkward tension keeps climbing between the two of us as he stops after that one word. He tries again, obviously irritated by the way that he runs a hand through his dark hair (no, I have NOT memorized the stupid manual to reading Uchiha Sasuke, it's just…common sense?), "What are you trying to pull, Naruto?"

To say that I'm surprised is an understatement. I am shocked, appalled, astonished, every word that is one level higher than surprise. Why? Because the bastard is actually thinking that my confession is a lie! …Even thought it _is_ a lie. But that's besides the point! The point is, he has the nerve to actually doubt me! I am both offended and pissed off now because he is trampling over my (fake) feelings! Staring him down, I return evenly, "What the hell are you getting at?"

It just now occurs to me that that doubt he had, that question he asked…that was my last shot at getting myself out of this 'pretending to like Sasuke' thing. Stupidly, I missed it. A swing and a miss. Although, I don't think I even got to swing for this one.

"What are you trying to pull by playing this stupid prank?" he repeats, eyes flashing dangerously as his head snaps back towards my direction. I don't think I have ever seen baka Sasuke this pissed off and involuntarily, my feet stumble backwards a few steps. He is practically oozing of murder and if I were anyone else, I'm pretty sure I would have shriveled under his glare.

I would really like to live to an old ripe age of thirty, God. After that, you can take me! I don't care! Just let me live up until thirty! Just _thirty,_ dammit!

His hand shoots out and my back is slammed into the wall behind me, the grip on my collar tightening. I am having just a little trouble breathing because my collar is digging into my throat, but I think that is the point of this death grip on my collar, and frankly, it just sucks. This stupid duck butt realizes that I _NEED_ air to survive, right?

"Let – go – of – me!" I struggle, trying, in vain might I add, to push him away. "What the hell is your problem!?"

His anger hasn't diminished in the least and he says forcefully, "Answer. Me. **Now.**"

Snorting in absolute disbelief, my mouth decides to take over for my brain which is in the middle of trying to figure out how not to melt into a useless puddle—although I think it already has, the useless piece of crap. "What do you expect? For this to be some elaborate scheme that I had planned for the whole entire time? Get fuckin' real, Sasuke. We both know that while I'm great, even _I_ wouldn't go so far or sink so low as to say that I like you as a means of a joke. Sure, we've had out fallouts and we've even stopped being best friends after you treated me like a piece of shit. But just 'cause I ain't kissing your ass and fawning over you every second doesn't mean that I don't like you. I'm not one of your damn fan girls! Why the hell can't you just accept the fact that I might actually _like_ you despite the asshole that you are?"

Sasuke stares at me. And stares. And stares. And stares some more until I actually feel pretty damn awkward with the whole situation at hand. Maybe I said the wrong thing? Actually wait, I DID say the wrong thing because – hahaha – you know, I just told him that I like him _repeatedly_, over and over and over and over and over and over once more. That even though he was a complete and utter asshole to me, I like him. I am making this 'I like you' thing really convincing, aren't I? Damn brain too lazy to take over and make me think about what I'm going to say next!

"Listen, Sasuke," I begin again, my brain functioning to some extent but my mouth still holding all the power. "I'm not like one of those clingy chicks who expect you to return my feelings and then have everything turn into some stupid movie. And I sure as hell don't want things to become…weird either. I don't expect anything from you and don't want anything from you either. So, let's just forget this whole thing happened and go on with ignoring each other for the rest of our lives so I can get back to feeling normal too."

Nice save, if I do say so myself. I am the master at talking my way out of awkward situations which can only end with me in some sort and form of pain. I hide my grin.

"If you didn't expect or want any thing from me, Uzumaki, then you wouldn't have bothered telling me about your _feelings_ in the first place," sneers Sasuke. The use of my last name has got me a tad bit worried because, Sasuke only uses last names when he's pissed as fuck. And once again, no, I'm not reading him. I'm just…good at interpretation! "And if you wanted us to just forget about this 'whole thing', then you wouldn't have made such a big deal and told me any of that."

I blink rather stupidly as his words sink into my head. And I hate to say it, but…he's right. Which just totally brings my whole entire damn hard work down the drain!! I worked so hard to get myself out of that one and again, it backfires! What the heck! …C'mon brain, I'm counting on you. Last chance to dig yourself out of your ramen-y coma grave!

"Well, uh, I mean…you know how big of a mouth I have."

Never mind. Chance gone. You're dead, brain. You're dead.

Sasuke looks tempted to rub his temples but refrains from doing so by instead scrunching his eyebrows together in mild annoyance. He tries to think of the proper retort which would deter this conversation from that path of idiocy we've been happily traveling down since the very beginning. Good luck with that, Sasuke. "How – How long?" he finally asks, letting loose a breath of air.

"…Huh?"

Rolling his eyes in that special way of his where he rolls them but actually _doesn't _roll them, Sasuke repeats, only it's no longer in question form, "How long."

"How long…? Oooh! How long since……Okay, I don't know what you're talking about."

"How long have you 'liked' me?" he snaps, irritation seeping into his obsidian eyes.

I stutter, not fully expecting this, "Uh… H-How long? Uhmm……two years?"

For some reason, Sasuke seems way more surprised than me. Maybe I gave him the wrong time span? Or maybe he knows I'm lying? Hell, I don't think I could be devoted to anything for more than an hour much less two years! To harbor a secret (and fake) crush on him for two years seems pretty excessive.

A broken look crosses his face. I blink, and it is gone, making me wonder if I just imagined it? After all, what would make Sasuke feel broken? He's got life made for him, the bastard. When I glance up, I notice that while his obsidian eyes are looking at me, they don't actually see me. It's weird, but I remember Sasuke getting that faraway, whole 'I'm blatantly staring at you but not seeing you' look a lot when we were younger. Probably around the time when he decided to do a complete 360 turn on me and become a total bitch.

His voice comes out a low hiss, so low that I strain my ears and nearly kill them in trying to hear, "Why the hell didn't you say anything earlier?"

Brow cocked in confusion, I utter a very intelligent response, "Hunh?"

Because, there's no way that I just heard such a question. Because uh really, why in the world would Sasuke wanna know why I never said anything to him earlier about my secret and very much _fake_ crush? Does he enjoy the fact that I'm squirming like this over this? Smug bastard.

"Uhm…well, there really is no great way to go 'bout telling a guy who thinks you hate his guts that you actually like him," I point out finally, oh so very tempted to just bash my head into the nearby wall 'cause well, I dunno. I'M A FREAKIN' IDIOT! No! Bad Naruto! Stop telling him that you like him you moron! You hate his guts! You abso-freakin'-lutely hate him and his guts 'cause he's an arrogant bastard with a superiority complex that also happens to be the bitchest bastard you know!

Sasuke opens his mouth and after a pause closes it. His dark eyes study me for a few seconds before his hand slides down and his face hardens into a look of…disgust? He roughly releases my collar and walks away, conflicted and irritated. I could tell by the way his jaw clenched, and no! I'm not reading him! I'm really, really, really good at…body language. I swear I hear him say something under his breath, but all I can make out is a sentence which I know was most definitely not spoke by him, "What the hell am I hesitating for at this point…"

'Cause you know. Sasuke never second guesses himself and hesitates like that. It makes him look bad and heaven forbid that he's wrong for once in his life.

I cast a glance over in his direction and see him walking away, hands burrowed deep into his pockets. Just from looking at his backside, I can tell that Sasuke is brimming with both annoyance and that trademark Uchiha brooding. Despite being able to rea—interpret his actions since we were younger, I cannot, for the life of me, figure out just what Sasuke is so upset about to have to go as far as put on a false mask of apathy. The childish part in me tugs at me, making me want to just go over there to him and figure out just what the heck is wrong with him. But my years of hatred keep me rooted to my place. ……………That and my shirt is actually caught in one of the hinges of the door, so even if I wanted to go over there and bash him in the head, I physically can't. Damn, such a good opportunity to pass up on and going to waste. Stupid door hinge. Stupid shirt getting caught on the stupid door hinge. Stupid Sasuke for pushing me in to the door where stupid shirt got caught on the stupid door hinge.

Awkwardly twisting my body, I just barely manage to pull open the door, falling down in the process once the stupid door hinge released my shirt. Damn doors! Who needs them anyways! Damn wooden planks of doom.

While I fume and mutter dark curses about doors and my stupid brain which will now suffer the most painful ramen hangover it has ever known in its short life, I reenter the bathroom and stop, frozen with realization.

There are two towel dispensers.

-

"Shit Naruto! You are one fucking _idiot!"_ howls Kiba with laughter, tears gathering in the corners of his eyes as he doubles over, clutching his stomach and just barely breathing. The two of us are at my house, me dragging him over here after school and that lunch business.

But the damn dog loving bastard! He's supposed to help me in my time of need, not laugh like a jerk!

Damn. I knew I should have gone to visit Gaara first.

"Ha ha ha, very damn funny. Now shut your trap and help me you stupid dog bastard!" I yell, kicking him in the side for good measure. Kiba is too busy laughing to even care. The bastard. How can anyone get so much joy out of their best friend's misery?

After a full ten minutes, Kiba finally recollects himself and settles himself on his bed, Akamaru happily yipping in his lap. "So let me get this straight," he chortles, trying his best to keep the stupid school girl giggles down, "You met Sasuke in the bathroom, got ambushed by him at the towel dispenser even though there was one next to him, had a quick little _'friendly'_ chat with him, told him straight to his face that you _like_ him, and then had some more buddy-buddy chat time where you repeatedly told him that you like him."

"……Uh, yeah. That was my lunch in a nutshell."

Kiba did not even bother to hide his snickers, saying, "GOD, Naruto, you are the biggest, fucking idiot I have ever met in my LIFE! How the hell do you end up confessing a fake crush to the one guy that you hate the most?"

Well if I knew that, I wouldn't BE here you dumbass!

"I don't know! I just remember getting really mad at the bastard and then suddenly, I'm yelling out that I like him!!" I whine, wishing that Kiba would stop pointing out the obvious and start using that brain of his to help me fix this! …Shit. Kiba has no brains. Ahhh! Wrong person!!!

"How did he take it?"

I stop mentally flailing to stare at him dumbly. "Huh?"

Rolling his eyes, Kiba clarifies, "How did Sasuke take your confession? Was he pissed? Was he disgusted? C'mon! How'd he take it?"

"Uh…really weirdly?" I try. I was never really uh, what's that word… Okay, whatever. I was never really good with words. Besides, aside from weird, there is no other way to describe how Sasuke took my confession. My very fake confession.

"Weirdly?"

"Yeah. Like…really weird. At first, he thought it was some kinda prank and got reeeaaally pissed off. But then like…I said some stuff and then he asked me this really weird questions, something about how long have I liked him. And then he asked me why I didn't say anything earlier and then…it got really awkward and crap," I explain, gesturing wildly with my hands just to distract him.

"Wait, he asked you how long have you liked him?"

I turn to the door at the sound of the feminine voice, my blue eyes widening at the sight of a pink haired female standing with arms akimbo. Behind her is a redhead, undoubtedly Gaara.

"Sa-Sakura-chan!? What're you doing here?! Gaara too!?"

"Kiba invited me after you told him that you _confessed_ to Sasuke-kun," she shrugs, staring pointedly at me at the last half of the sentence. "Just what in the world is going on, Uzumaki Naruto?"

I shrivel slightly at her tone, giving a nervous laugh as they settle into the traitor's room, each and every one staring at me. She zeros in on me instantly, refusing to back down.

"So, Naruto, Sasuke-kun asked how long have you liked him?"

Straight to the point as always. Damn her.

"Uh, yeah."

"And then what did he ask?" she continues.

"Uh…he said something along the lines of, 'why the hell didn't you say anything earlier'," I relay to my friends.

Sakura hums thoughtfully, rubbing her chin before saying, "And then what?"

"He said something about no reason in hesitating and left. Okay, is this really necessary? I don't particularly enjoy reliving out my humiliation."

"You did it to yourself," snaps Sakura snippily, annoyed at being interrupted in midst of thinking. So I just stay silent, turning to Gaara who looks the same as always, a mild twitch in his eye. I guess he isn't very happy about this whole situation either.

The pink haired girl stares at me, before finally saying, "Naruto… could Sasuke-kun possibly like you?"

…And this is the part where if I was drinking or eating something, it would come right back out.

"Are you _kidding_ me?! There is no chance in hell! Besides, aren't we supposed to be helping me think of a plan to get myself outta this since starting tomorrow, I'm supposed to be _in love_ with this jerk!?" I cry, waving my arms frantically. None of them pay attention, the jerks. How can they just leave their friend in distress!? I'm about to die because of this! No joke! My lifespan has probably been cut down by like twenty friggin' years because of this!

Green eyes eyeing me critically, Sakura finally speaks, saying, "I think you should take care of this on your own, Naruto. I don't wanna have any part in this other than watching what happens."

"I'm with her on this, Naruto. You're on your own, man," grins Kiba cheerily. The bastard!

"You've gotta be kidding me! Okay, at least Gaara will help me, right Gaara?!"

We all turn to Gaara who only says, "……I refuse to partake in this."

…I've just been abandoned by everyone. My _friends_ just _abandoned_ me in my time of need! What the heck is the world coming to when a guy can't even ask his friends for help after accidentally making a fake confession to a guy that they can't stand?! It's madness I tell ya! Pure madness!

"How could you guys! I thought we were friends!"

"We are," smiles Sakura, "which is why we enjoy watching you suffer more from your own mistakes. Besides, you'll never learn if we don't do this."

"You guys are horrible."

"Have fun tomorrow."

-

I really…really…REALLY dread going into that classroom.

That's right. I'm standing outside of my classroom door, just staring at it and really dreading having to go in there. Because in there, all my nightmares come true–okay, except for the no ramen nightmare, but hey, that doesn't make the rest of my nightmares any less scary! That one just happens to be the worst one.

Ugh, and if I'm late one more time, I have to stay after for detention.

Okay, moment of truth, leap of faith! You can do this! What is there to be afraid of anyways, ha! So what if everyone thinks I have a huge, mega-school girl crush on Sasuke! As long as I know that it's not true and my friends know that it's not true and Sasuke knows that it's not true, everything will be fine! …Oh crap, that's right. Sasuke thinks it's true! Oh for the love of, I don't think I can do this. Oh man, I KNOW I cannot do this! I can't pretend to like Sasuke! What am I supposed to do!? Throw little love notes at him with little hearts around our names?! Oh, _gross!_

"You're blocking the door, dobe."

I jump ten feet into the air at the sudden voice; the hair on the back of my neck is actually standing up! ……Cool. Okay, but not the time for that! Focus Naruto! Focus!

Turning around, I prepare myself for the beatings to come when…nothing. Sasuke just brushes past me, about to enter the classroom when my traitorous mouth says, "Sasuke-teme, about yesterday…"

He stops, hand still on the handle while the other sits in his pocket. "What?"

"Uh…in the bathroom…" Damn this mouth of mine! It must be the ramen hangover kicking in with its side effects!! "Why did you do that and what the hell did you mean exactly?"

I half expect dark and broody Sasuke to return from yesterday when there is a brief pause. However, those thoughts are wiped away when I see his haughty smirk as he says, "Wouldn't you like to know."

And he enters the classroom without another word, leaving me, per usual, speechless and gaping like a damn fish out of water. The _bastard._

"Yeah, well, who wants to know anyways you stupid bastard!!" I yell from the doorway, huffing as I stomp over to my seat. And stupid perfect Sasuke is already there, sitting with that annoying little smirk on his face and ignoring me like usual. God, it's like yesterday never happened or something! I should have known that it was a fluke.

Yanking at my chair, I'm so angry that I completely miss the chair and my butt meets with the cold, hard, and unforgiving floor. Ow, I think they polished it last night too for extra butt mashing-ness. Stupid janitors. They definitely did that on purpose.

As I sit there on the floor, rubbing my bottom and letting out hisses of 'ows', a hand emerges into my line of view. Without even bothering to see who it belonged to, because really, other than my friends, who else would offer their hand out to help me, I take it and am pulled up with too much force that my feet stumble and I crash back down.

The problem?

I take the person down with me who just happens to be Uchiha Sasuke. And like all good clichés, my lips appear to be attached to his.

Man, I'm really good at pulling off this, 'I like Sasuke' thing. But god. I am _really _not gonna be able to make it to thirty after this little spectacle, am I?

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A/N: And as usual, I fail at humor haha. Well, anyways, sorry for the lateness (nearly 4 months) and shortness to anyone who is reading. I am horrible at balancing XD Also, the next update will come out slowly as well unfortunately for those who would care to know ^^;

Thanks to everyone who reviewed and added this story to their alerts/favorites list!

Waaahh!! Elections!! .__.! (Watching while writing XD)


	4. Problem Solved

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**Caught in Awkward Moments **

**Chapter Four: Problem Solved**

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So, let it be known, that on this fine day when the sun was shining brightly and the clouds were dancing in joy, I, Uzumaki Naruto, _killed_ my future and my school social life. Let it also be known to all those that were in denial or skeptical about the rumor of my being in love with Uchiha Sasuke that this, _this_ solidifies the testimony and should wipe away all doubts in their mind. That, and I'll have more than half the school's rapid fan girls on my ass in about point three seconds.

Pulling myself away from Sasuke, I sit back on my heels, the back of my hand swiping at my lips as my eyes were wide with horror, because seriously. It's not everyday that you find yourself accidentally kissing the one person whose guts you happen to hate the most. Screw pretending to love him! I just fucking… He just fucking… WE just fucking… Oh, I think I'm gonna be _sick. _I can't even process this right now, it's just too…ugh.

"Naruto just…"

"Sasuke-kun just…"

"They just…"

"……I think I'm gonna faint."

Shit. I think _I'm_ gonna throw up. Somebody grab me a bucket!!

"Dude…those two just…got some serious lip action…" mutters some idiot redhead loudly, his eyes glossed over with shock as he just stares along with the rest of the class. A girl beside him slaps him on the arm.

"That was not 'some serious lip action'!" she hisses, nails digging into his bicep. "Naruto _sexual molested_ Sasuke-kun!"

Yeah, that's—wait, what? Sexual molested? What the fuck!? Whoa, whoa, whoa!!! WHAT?! Who was the one sexual molested here!? If anything, _I'm_ the victim in this!

"Naruto is a shameless pervert! A sexual fiend!"

Pervert? Sexual fiend?! Oh, come on! What the hell is wrong with these people!?

"Wait, that's not it! It was an accident! I swear it was an accident!!" I try, waving my arms around which only makes me lose my balance once more and I go crashing into Sasuke. Again. Thankfully, whatever higher power up there is feeling generous and has decided to spare me from landing on his lips again. That would have just been the damn icing on my cake. Although I don't have cake. And I don't have icing. That stupid saying makes no sense, hmph.

Anyways, our class is soon in an uproar and I take that chance to jump to my feet and skedaddle on outta there, 'cause there is no way in hell I'm gonna just sit there and take a horrible beating from rabid fan girls. Fuck no. I'm gonna go hide in a closet somewhere and wait for an hour or two to delay the beating that will come when they find me. Yeah. That sounds like a good plan. Maybe hiding in the bathroom is a good idea since it's a no-girl, girls forbidden, if you come in here and you're a girl, you're obviously a transvestite or just really femininely pretty, territory zone. No girl in her right mind would cross that boundary!

Unfortunately, I think I forgot to factor in guys named Uchiha fuckin' Sasuke into the equation. Shit, this must be why I fail and suck at math. That's right folks. Three seconds after I enter the bathroom, mentally cheering at my momentary victory, in comes Sasuke, all high and mighty with an irate glare. Maybe the rooftop would have been a better location to hide. Geez, what the hell is it with Sasuke and finding me? Does he have some kinda 'let's go screw over Naruto' radar or something that goes off beeping its metal ass off whenever I'm in trouble or nearby? Why can't he take the hint that I'm trying to hide! As in not wanting to be found. As in don't go looking. As in leave me alone!

"Look, before you go ripping off innocent people's heads," I begin, my voice a bit higher and squeakier than I'd like it to be. Great, I sound like one of those chipmunks…what were they're names again? Crap, this is gonna drive me crazy! What were their names! Aladdin? Oh double crap, he's approaching me. Better back up just a little. Damn he can be scary when he wants to be. "Just know that it was an accident! It was an accident! I didn't mean to land on your lips so conveniently like that! It was a freakin' accident and I'm just as disgusted and grossed out as you are! So, just know that while you're making your decision as to whether or not my head deserves to stay attached to my neck and all."

Annnnd now I'm backed up against the wall. Funny, I get the feeling that I was in this exact same position around the same place just yesterday—you know, seeing as how I'm against a wall this time instead of a door. Well, at least there won't be any stupid door hinges for my stupid shirt to get caught in.

For a few seconds, he just stares at me (way to get my heart thumping and my body sweating, jerk) before doing the special Uchiha eye roll. "This is a crappy place to hide," he points out flatly, as though he's almost disappointed with my choice of hiding spot. Like his pompous ass could come up with anything better. And as if he heard my thoughts, he seizes me by my wrist and tugs me out of the bathroom before I can even protest. And oh, there _will_ be protesting! I'm not gonna let this bastard just feed me to the wild hordes of fan girls AND fan boys (Sasuke has sex appeal to both genders although I really never got why)! Uzumaki Naruto will NOT go down without a fight! Even if it has to be one of those bitchy slap fights with hair pulling and nail scratching!

"Let go of me, teme!"

But Sasuke, being all high and mighty, pretends to have not heard me and breezes past one particularly close group of pitchfork and knife wielding fan girls and fan boys, before pulling me into a room. And just in time dammit. That last group nearly caught sight of me! Do you know what they would have done to me if they caught me!? Fuck, I don't even wanna _think_ about it! And hey, is that a door locking that I hear?

Where…the hell am I?

As if reading my thoughts (again, stupid bastard needs to stop reading my damn personal thoughts), Sasuke says, "It's the Student Council Room."

Oh. Well that explains a lot of things. Yeah. …As if! Why the hell am I in here? Correction, why the hell am I in here with Sasuke!? And why the hell did he even bother to help me?! What happened to ignoring my existence and all that other shit that he's been doing for the past I-don't-know-how-many-years-'cause-I-sure-as-hell-didn't-care-enough-to-count something years!

"Teme, why are you…why are you helping me?" I ask, my hands on my hip as Sasuke takes a seat in one of the empty chairs. Which looks absolutely comfortable. Damn, so this is what student council does with our money, those bastards.

"Because," Sasuke closes his mouth, lips pursed before finishing, "Because you looked so pitiful and pathetic. And because…" His words are careful and he looks almost like he's considering them, "it's not necessarily your fault about what happened back there."

The first part has me wanting to throw a bucket at his head while the second part actually brings about a wave of nostalgia. Sasuke caring? Whoa, there's a sight I haven't seen or a topic I haven't thought about in a few damn years. Didn't even know that Sasuke still had it in him to care about anything other than himself.

"Oh, well…thanks, I guess," I shrug, plopping down into a chair (damn, I was right, these _are_ friggin' comfortable) and swiveling a little bit. Heh heh, these are pretty funny. And highly distracting, keeping my mind away from the little fact that Sasuke and I are ALONE in a room that I think is locked. Uh, am I supposed to make goo-goo eyes and flutter my lashes all prettily at him? That's what girls do when they have a crush on some guy, right?

"Whatever."

Silence pads around us and seriously? It's a bitch. This is one of the most awkward silences that I've had since that time Iruka-sensei walked in on me in the bathroom…when I was in the middle of, ahem, jerking off. Needless to say, breakfast that morning? Yeah. Real bitch right there. God, one of the most _embarrassing and awkward_ moments in my life. But hey, this silence is pretty weird too; sitting in a room that most people don't have access to, alone, with an ex-childhood friend-turned-fake crush. I'd give it a six on the scale of awkwardness.

"So…" I begin, 'cause really, I'm one of those people that just can't stand silences. It's so damn weird and unnerving. "Does this mean that you're _not_ gonna rip my head off?"

Sasuke doesn't answer, sending me only an irritated glare. Well, geez. I just wanted to make sure. This is already _twice_ that I've come close to losing my head thanks to the bastard.

"Just shut up, dobe," he comes awfully close to snapping, turning back around in his chair and staring out the window. What crawled up his ass and died? Oh right, our friendship. …And maybe a squirrel.

To make conversation (read: argument), I say in response, "Hey, about yesterday…"

He glances back, brow raised. "What about yesterday?" he remarks, now fully facing me and geez, why did this suddenly become that much harder? I wonder if he'll be mad if I turn him back around 'cause I don't even know if I can carry on this stupid self-imposed conversation while having him stare at me with those damn all knowing eyes.

"That is, er…about back there, with the whole bathroom…thing…" Shit, I'm completely losing it. Note to self: just sit there and shut the hell up.

Sasuke rolls his eyes (without rolling them) and says, arms crossed, "Speak clearly, dobe."

"You're a real fucking bastard, you know that," I mutter instead, petulant. Weak save, I know. But what else am I supposed to say? The last time I asked about the damn bathroom thing, he just smirked in that 'holier-than-thou' way and walked away! Fucking bastard. See! He _is _a fucking bastard so it all works out and makes perfectly logic sense! Not like I lied to him.

"My, locking yourselves in a room which most students do not have access to will only instigate more rumors. Don't you think so, Sasuke? Naruto?"

Who in the holy ramen!?

I nearly fall off the chair in surprise at the voice and who the holy fuck is that! To note, Sasuke on the other hand, is perfectly calm like the perfect bastard he is. Goddammit! Like he wasn't freakin' startled by some random kid's voice coming from behind us when the room is, wait—the room's locked? The fuck? Since when!? I KNEW it! Sasuke was secretly planning to sexually molest _me_, wasn't he!?

"Sai," acknowledges Sasuke, who is now staring in the general direction of the door, irritated. As always.

Sai just nods in response, a smile ever present on his face. "You know, student council should really rethink about changing their locks. They are ridiculously easy to open."

Oh, Sai, you crazy, cupcake down the pants, pansy bastard! My savior! Yes! Now, let me out of this room and lead me to freedom; to a land where fan girls and fan boys do not exist and where I am allowed to gorge on ramen at all odd hours of the day and where Sasuke doesn't exist because that jerk is making everything a helluva lot more complicated than it needs to be and my brain hurts.

"What do you want," Sasuke asks point blank.

Sai smiles, "Oh, nothing, really. Just looking for some entertainment and I figured that I might be able to find some out of you two considering how you two have the latest topic on everyone's minds. You know that this won't blow over right, Sasuke? After all, Naruto 'sexual molested' you. It doesn't necessarily bode well with your fans."

"You know, I'm right here!" I huff childishly, crossing my arms. Gah, I had when people talk about me like I'm not here when I'm sitting right in front of them. Stupid pretentious bastards with their stupid talk using big words. Hell, I don't even know what 'pretentious' means. I just heard Gaara use it once.

"Of course, Naruto. You realize, then, what this means for you, right?"

…Fuck, I'm fucked in the fucking ass?

The doors burst open, because some cupcake down the pants, pansy, princess fairy pants pink _jerk_ "forgot" to lock the door! Oh man, they look rather murderous with those nice and pointy pitchforks and those sharpened knives and that—oh come on! That's just a rake! A _plastic_ rake! Cheap bastard.

"Na-ru-to," they breathed in unison, taking a step forward with each syllable of my name. Maybe if I tell them I'm allergic to pitchforks, they'll go away?

"How _dare_ you sexual molest Sasuke-kun," seethes some brunette, stepping forth. The twitch in her eye is quite impressive though, I gotta say. It's just the right amount of twitchy.

"Hey! I didn't sexual molest Sasuke! Why the _hell_ would I want to sexually molest _him_ of all people!?" I yell in my defense, ignoring the fact that I'm hiding partially behind Sasuke. Not that I'll ever admit it. He's just in my way. Yeah, in my way, stupid jerk.

A blonde takes a step closer, saying venomously, "You _like_ Sasuke-kun. It's _obvious_ that you would want to _sexually molest_ him. I can't just _imagine_ what you'd to him!"

The way she stresses her words makes me kinda sorta wanna trip her one day.

There is a chorus of "YEAH!" following her statement and well shit, I don't really see a way out of this. C'mon! Where the _hell_ are the teachers when you need them!? I mean, I'm not a stickler for that education, learn until your brain EXPLODES shit, but aren't we supposed to be in class right now?! What kinda fucking school is this, anyways!

It all falls silent, though, when Sasuke gets up, looking irritated and annoyed and "just get out of my face" constipated look. His fans are practically _swooning_. I bet if he moved to the left, their eyes would follow him like a bone being waved in front of a dog. And lo and behold, when he takes a step, their eyes follow. Wow, Sasuke could really use to this his advantage. He has his own fucking personal army. He could like…train them up to become a friggin' circus or something and earn money.

"D, Don't worry, Sasuke-kun," one girl suddenly calls out, earning the glare of every single person in the room, because hell no. You do _not_ just individually call out to almighty Sasuke when he hasn't addressed you and when he's telling you to shut the hell up. Sweet. Maybe she'll divert all the murderous killing intent in the room towards herself and let me get the hell outta there. "We'll protect you from Naruto…" The confidence from earlier is waning. Sucker. "So don't…"

"Y-yeah! We'll keep you safe from Naruto and his sexually harassing ways!" another girl picks up, and suddenly, they're all rallying together which means I'm still fucked. Beautiful. Just fucking beautiful.

Sasuke looks about ready to just combust into flames. Or at least start shooting laser beams from his eyes or something.

"And we'll stop here."

The cheerful voice stops the sudden waves of, "Don't worry, Sasuke-kun!" and "Naruto is just a sex fiend!" and my personal favorite, "We won't let Naruto sexually molest you anymore! He's just a horny, perverted, sexual predator!"

Ha ha ha. A horny, perverted, sexual predator.

Kakashi (where the HELL was he just ten minutes ago when I needed him the most!?) steps out, making a chopping action with his hand and a friendly smile with his lips. "I believe that all of you should be in class."

"Kakashi-sensei," some boy—yeah, a _boy_—yells, "Naruto sexually molested Sasuke, and I believe that is a gross violation of school policies."

Fuck, I did no such thing.

The teacher just looks amused, waving off the boy and saying with a thoughtful glance upward, "Ehh, well, then, Naruto, Sasuke, to the principal's office. The rest of you can get back to class. Problem solved."

The fact that the We Love Sasuke-kun Fan Club hasn't put down their fucking pitchforks, rakes, and other sharp objects which can be used to _impale_ me, doesn't look like the problem is solved.

-

Really, I don't know _what_ she's staring at so austerely (yeah, how's THAT for a big fucking word that I know—even if I can't pronounce it). It's not like this is the first time I've been in here. Just the first time that I've been in here for something as outrageous as SEXUAL HARASSMENT! Really! Like the great, awesome, fantastic, marvelous, fabulous Uzumaki Naruto-sama would need to _sexual molest_ anyone! I wouldn't, by the way, since, heh, everyone's already throwing themselves at my feet.

Tsunade, or principal of this shitastic school, twitches, her fingers drumming against her desk as she stares at me. And Sasuke. Did I mention that bastard Sasuke is in here with me? Well, he is. He's sitting in the chair next to me, brooding like the bastard he is.

"Let me get this straight," she starts with a quirked brow, "You," here she gestures to me with her chin, "_sexually molested_ Uchiha."

"Fuck no, I didn't!" I yell, ready to jump out of my seat. Oh wait, already done. "I was just sitting on the floor, like any other innocent student wanting to learn, when evil Sasuke here, pulls me up and forces our lips to fall on top of each other and then his fucking crazy fan club starts harassing me and threatening me and he doesn't do anything but just stand there and look all damn smug because he's Uchiha fucking Sasuke!"

I'm offended when she turns to Sasuke to ask, "So, what happened, exactly?"

My story is so plausible! C'mon! Everyone knows that's what really happened. I mean, no one minds the little exaggeration, right? It gives the story character!

"Nothing. It was all just a misunderstanding," Sasuke answers fluidly, ignoring me and ignoring the facts.

"A misunderstanding!? Oh, c'mon! Your fan club was about to have my ass for it! Aren't there school rules against carrying weapons or something!?" I protest.

"They're _not_ my fan club," he deadpans with a scowl.

"So they just like carrying huge ass banners with 'Sasuke-kun, we LOVE you' around for fun?" I snort, crossing my arms.

Sasuke doesn't reply, only glaring at me before turning back to our lovely principal. Did she get more botox injections this past weekend? Hm, I should ask later. I bet she did though, because her skin looks extra shiny and plastic-y.

Tsunade stares at the two of us before holding a hand to her forehead. Looks like another headache. Score one for me!

"Since the two of you obviously have some sort of problem concerning one another, I am sentencing _both_ of you to therapy sessions with our school's psychiatrist, every day of the week until our psychiatrist suggests otherwise. Sessions spent _together_."

* * *

A/N: More crazy slow updates ehehe. Just a note to anyone who cares, I haven't abandoned this story; it's just been pushed back until I can reduce my load because I SUCK at balancing updates for my stories D: (As everyone can see by the utter lack of them and the length between my updates ;u;) As for the next update…ha ha ha… let's just celebrate this one XD

Thanks to everyone to reviewed and to everyone to put this on their alerts/favorites list!

And this chapter wouldn't have come out this soon (what the heck, _soon_? XD) if it weren't for nostratic and Mai Tsuki who finally convinced me to just update. Much love to you guys and an extra thank you thank you thank you!! ^^ This was written for you guys!


	5. Therapy in Session: Diagnosis

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**Caught in Awkward Moments**

**Chapter Five: Therapy in Session: Diagnosis **

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Therapy. _Therapy with Sasuke_.

I am in _therapy _with _Sasuke. _

Please, tell me; does it possibly get _any_ better than this?

This…is SO NOT score two for me. Oh my god. As if therapy isn't bad enough with our school psychiatrist! Therapy with Sasuke!? Is this woman insane!? Sasuke needs more than just two hours for five days a week to work out all of his damn problems! He friggin' _broods_! He's a brooding bastard and a helluva good one at that!!! He is exploding with dark problems and stupid arrogance, NOT rainbows, butterflies, and damn unicorns! I don't see him farting out any of that glittery crap. Hehe, glittery, sparkle farts.

But seriously, I hate that woman. I wasn't gonna pull a prank so early in the week, but screw that! She's my next target.

"What the hell are you two doing in here?"

We both look up at the door to see our friendly school psychiatrist waltzing in, one hand filled with what looks like Chinese takeout and the other with what looks like…porno mags? This is going to just be the BEST two hours of my day.

"Why else would two students be in your office, sir?" drawls Sasuke with a sarcastic overtone.

"Shut up, kid. Don't get smart with me," snorts our psychiatrist, whose name plate reads, 'Jiraiya.' He dumps his crap onto his already hazardous desk and plops into his chair, staring at the both of us. "Ah, you're that Uchiha and Uzumaki pair. The ones that sexual molested each other because neither of you could stand the raging hormones in your teenage bodies and just attacked one another in an animalistic rush of carnal lust."

I don't know what the look on Sasuke's face is like, but I think I have a pretty good idea. And imagination. It probably looks about like mine. Horrified. Appalled. About to rip this guy's damn head off.

"What the HELL!" I yell, making a disgusted face.

He waves away my yelling and Sasuke's dark glaring to say, "Yeah, _whatever_. I don't care whether the two of you decided to have raunchy boy sex outside in the hallways or a quickie in the bathroom. The point is, you got caught, and now you're here. In my office. Making me have to actually work."

I've never hated anyone this fast and this soon after meeting them in my life. Seriously.

I refuse to just sit here and listen to his crap! Not without a say! "Listen, you perverted old man! At least get your facts straight!! Me and this bastard," here, I point oh so helpfully at Sasuke who does his super awesome eye roll, "_aren't_ in that kind of relationship! I hate his guts, he hates mine! That's it! He's a damn bastard that is a total bitch at the same time! We hate each other! HATE. HATE, HATE, HATE, HATE, HATE, HATEHATE_HATE_! Get it right, dammit!"

Jiraiya sighs lazily, propping his cheek against the knuckles of his fist as he eyes me wearily. "Are you done yet?"

"No, I'm NOT done! HATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATE_HATE _that bastard!" I'm getting a little dizzy from the lack of oxygen that I'm not taking in and instead spending to scream out the word 'hate' in one long, continuous stream. Breathe in, Naruto. Breathe in, dammit!!

Turning towards Sasuke, who has managed to stay quiet this entire time—how, I have no clue whatever—he asks, "What about you?"

"I have nothing to say," he answers coolly, leaning back in his chair. Oh, you think you're soooooo cool, Sasuke. Guess what! NEWS FLASH! You aren't! HA! Take THAT.

"I'm not really a big fan of guy on guy," Jiraiya says breezily, earning an outraged gasp from me and another dark glare from Sasuke (Are school faculty allowed to be this STUPID!?), "But it's my job, so whatever. All right, listen up, you brats. Apparently, both of you are having trouble coping with the fact that you are either: one, gay, or two, lusting after another student; another _male_ student."

"I'm NOT gay and I'm NOT lusting after Sasuke! That's just gross! Besides, even if I _were_ lusting after another guy, the last person I'd _pick_ is Sasuke!" Hm, and I'm supposed to pretend to be in love with him?

A rolled up magazine hits the top of my head. "Shut up, you noisy moron. I'm not done. And you, stop glaring. Your face may get stuck that way."

This causes Sasuke only to glare harder. I think he thinks that glaring at our psychiatrist may make him explode or something. …I hope it works.

"Now, as I was saying, first thing's first. The two of you need to… ehhh, the book says talk out your problems. But that sounds about as fun as poking yourself in the eye with a needle continuously. So, instead…" He looks around his room, muttering to himself. Great, what great trick is he going to pull out of his damn hat this time around? "Alright, I can't find anything. So, while I eat my lunch, the two of you can just tell me what your problems are, starting with you, blondie."

Are your laser beam eyes BROKEN or something, Sasuke? 'Cause they would be really appreciated right now, you stupid bastard!

Ugh. Fine.

With a defeated sigh, I begin, arms crossed, "My problem is that crazy granny thinking that I need to go to therapy with that jerk, _you_ thinking that me and Sasuke are secretly harboring crushes on each other and pining for each other when we're NOT, and Sasuke being a total bitch and his usual bastardy self. Happy? I did my part."

His eyes turn accordingly to Sasuke who stares at him in an 'are-you-fucking-serious?' sort of way. The slurp of his noodles make it known to Sasuke that yes, this crazy, white haired, perverted old crackpot is completely serious.

"I said I don't have a problem. If I did, it would be the complete and utter waste of time spent here in your room over a problem that doesn't exist," he finally answers acidly.

Jiraiya chews thoughtfully for a few minutes before pointing his chopsticks at me, which still have bits of fried vegetables on them, "You, are ignorant," and turns those chopsticks to Sasuke, jabbing them once and spraying the leftover bits everywhere, "And you, are in denial."

I think Sasuke has never been more offended in his life if the twitching eyebrows are any indication. Hell, no one says that Uchiha fucking Sasuke has a problem. _No one._

"Excuse me?" he all but sneers, eyes narrowed to slits.

"You heard me," shrugs Jiraiya, returning to his meal. "But if you wanna hear it again, be my guest. You're in denial. You are in the act of denying. Denial: a noun meaning the refusal to recognize or acknowledge. Care to hear it some more so that it'll go through your thick skull?"

Sasuke is pissed as hell. Heh heh, I haven't seen him this mad since… well, since I shoved mud down his pants when we were in sixth grade. That was _awesome_, by the way. I almost lost an arm and my ass for it, but it was fucking _awesome_. He looked like he had crapped his pants! Hahaha, one of my most favorite memories man. Hm, maybe that was why he started being a bitch to me? Whatever.

"Now that I've made my diagnosis, we can move on to the problems; which look to be your raging teenager hormones."

"For the last time, I'm not gay!" I yell, just a little bit too loud. I think the bird outside the window heard me too judging by the way it's just staring at me with its little beady, birdie eyes. ……Stop staring at me! I'm getting self-conscious! Stupid bird.

Jiraiya snorts at me, like the good psychiatrist he ISN'T!, and says easily, "Of course you're not. You just enjoy attacking other male students to the ground in order to satisfy your own sexual drive."

How can he twist everything into making ME the pervert!? That's so not fair!

Sasuke finally, FINALLY, speaks up, adding to our conversation a very boring and fairly tame, "This is a ridiculous waste of time."

"It's a ridiculous waste of my research time too, so shut up," snaps Jiraiya, crossly. "Like I was trying to say, the roots of your problems lie with each other. I still think that neither of you know how to cope with being gay for each other, but whatever. We'll just pretend that you guys aren't for now. All right, why the hell did you guys get sent here? What could you have possibly done to get sent here?"

I huff a little in response before grinning just a little deviously. Neither of them will mind if I exaggerate a little, right? Just to have some fun? "Well, it started like this. I was just sitting on the floor, waiting to learn like the innocent little school boy that I am, when Sasuke suddenly attacked me! He just grabbed my hand and forced us to kiss! It was just so awful, and I never felt so violated!! It was just… I couldn't…" I break out into fake sobs. "And then when his fan club started to attack me for something that I didn't even want, he didn't do anythinnnnng!" I wail, quite girlishly if I do say so myself.

Obsidian eyes stare at me with irritation while Jiraiya just chews on his noodles. Oo–kay, so maybe that was going a bit overboard?

I'm offended, again, when he turns to Sasuke and asks plainly, giving the duck butt a pretty view of mashed up noodles, "What the hell happened?"

"Nothing. The situation was just misunderstood and blown out of proportions," he repeats like the honor student he is. Jerk. At least make it somewhat fun. It's no fun if I'm the only one exaggerating my ass off here!

It kind of looks like he's doodling on some papers while eating. I bet he's not even listening! Some psychiatrist! Hmph!

"What was misunderstood and blown out of proportions, then?" he asks lazily, slurping up more noodles. Damn, that's reminding me of ramen. Oh sweet ramen, when, oh when will I be able to catch a whiff of your sweet scent and taste your deliciousness? ……Oh right, after this stupid therapy session is over. Which still has a lot of time left to go. Dammit. Why two hours? Why not one? It's not like we're homicidal children trying to tear each other a new arsehole or weird, creepy children having tea parties with our stuffed animals and talking with them in hushed voices about taking over the world. Well, I'M not, at least. Can never be too sure about Sasuke, though.

Sasuke sighs a little under his breath, the way he does when he's annoyed of having to talk more than necessary. "An inane situation."

Now he's going to answer with as little words as possible, making his answers short as possible, like always. Pft. Some things never change. Not that I care enough to notice! I'm just err… I have nothing better to do than observe! Yeah, that's right. It's not as if I actually remember all the little details about Sasuke when we were younger or anything crazy like that! Ha, the great Uzumaki Naruto-sama has better things to do! Like–Like…eat ramen! Or sleep! Or eat more ramen!

"Which would be?" doodles Jiraiya with an underlying smirk while I'm busy trying to think up of other better things that I have to do.

"An exaggerated incident."

"That is?"

"Hyperbolized accident."

"Explain."

"No."

"It's too bad I wasn't asking."

Obsidian eyes stare down our psychiatrist who only chomps on more food and finishes drawing his toad. Ladies and gentlemen, come one, come all! Witness THE Uchiha Sasuke lose a staring contest to a perverted school psychiatrist! That's right, THE Uchiha Sasuke, evil eye-extraordinaire!

"There was an accidental……_kiss_ between Naruto and myself when I was helping him back up after he fell onto the floor," Sasuke spits out, looking entirely murderously and disgusted rolled into one. See, Sasuke? That wasn't so damn hard, you duck butt!

The pen clatters on top of the desk as he stares at the two of us. What? Did I grow another head or sprout another eyeball on the top of my forehead like from that guy from that anime, Dragonball Z? That guy was cool, by the way. With his triangle attacks and shit. And that green dude, Piccolo! He was pretty sweet too. Although in the end, I guess Goku and Vegeta _were_ cooler. And Goku's son, Gohan. They could go all Super Saiyan and have crazy standing blond hair and powers of destructive awesomeness! Ah, those were the good days.

"–wrong with this kid? He deaf or something? Hey, blondie!" A rolled up magazine smacks the top of my head. Again.

"Ow! Hey, what was that for!?"

"Spacing off," scowls Jiraiya. "I hate it when kids don't listen or pay attention 'cause I'm not in the mood to repeat myself."

I pout just a little because hey, I've been hit in the head twice with what I think is a porno mag. I think I'm entitled to pout a little. "Well, _sor_–ry for having better things to do than listen to you go on and on about that stupid diagnosis of yours."

That gets me the rolled up magazine to the head again. Hm, beautiful.

"I can't believe that all the two of you do is kiss accidentally and that lands you here," he mutters irritably, with another snort. "At least have some backbone and go at it if you're going to do something like that. Although I still think it would work a lot better with two girls. Tch, too bad all the hormonally raging teens are boys."

"Well _excuse me_ for being a healthy, growing boy! Hmph!" I turn my nose up at him and he whacks me for a fourth time! Isn't hitting a child in school illegal now!? I should ask; he _is_ a child psychiatrist.

"Don't be stupid," he remarks with a small huff of his own.

Sasuke just does his special eye roll, saying for all of us to hear, "You both are stupid."

"Respect your elders, boy!" barks Jiraiya, almost smacking him in the head as well. Sasuke ducks his head just in time to dodge the dangerous roll of paper. Darn. It would have been really funny to see, too.

"Now, moving on since we've established what got you sent here. So, the two of you got history together or what?" He's now scribbling crap down.

Fuck, just right where it hurts.

The mood grows just a bit tenser and a million times more murderous as both of us sink into our chairs and glare. History? Pft, yeah, sure. We've got _history._ A shitload of it. So much, it's pouring out of our eyes and ears and just crap.

"Yeah, we've got a shitload of _history_, as you so like to call it," I declare with a sour taste of bitterness left in my mouth. ………………Or that could just be the milk from earlier. I thought it smelled kind of expired-y. Oh well. As long as I don't get a stomachache and have severe, explosive diarrhea later.

A white eyebrow rises as he leans back in his own chair, "Oh? Enlighten me. _Both_ of you."

"He," I jab my thumb in Sasuke's direction and he has the nerves to look offended, "used to be my best friend."

"…That's it?"

"Well, I sure as hell am not saying anymore," I huff, sticking my tongue out at him.

Our psychiatrist's eyes slide over to the clock hanging on the wall behind us and he mourns a little upon seeing that only forty-two minutes have passed. Yeah, I've been keeping watch on that clock too. As if time couldn't crawl any slower, dammit! This is even _worse_ than having to wait those three minutes after pouring the hot water into the ramen cup! Yes, I went there because it's THAT BAD.

He turns back to Sasuke who looks away, brooding as usual.

"Let me guess: I have nothing to say," mimics Jiraiya with a disgusted snort. He tosses his empty carton of Chinese into the trashcan and says, "Okay, if neither of you talk, I'm gonna extend the hours of our little sessions here. And trust me, I can and will."

Psh, like I'm really going to fall for that one. Especially when he's the one complaining about us actually having a problem and making him work. He wouldn't wanna drag this out any longer than he needs to.

"We used to be friends. What more do you need to know?" questions Sasuke humorlessly, fingers tapping against his thigh. On anyone else, it would have been a habit or a sign of impatience. On Sasuke though, it's a highly revealing twitch. One that I thought he had conquered back when we were twelve. Hm, guess I was wrong. Blargh, not that I care or anything! Because I totally don't! It's just hard not to remember things like that…uh, yeah. Yeah.

"There's usually more to a history than one line."

"All that happened was that we used to be friends and then Sasuke hit puberty and everything went downhill from there," I reiterate, sulking just a little. "He turned into a total jerk face prick who decided that I wasn't worth his precious time," I add, just for good measure.

Sasuke's eyes harden as he bites back, "That's not true and you know it, dobe."

"Stop calling me that! What gives you the right to call me that after all those damn years!? We're not _friends_ anymore, Sasuke!" I yell, suddenly bordering on hysterics and completely forgetting about the stupid perverted old psychiatrist in the room. There's a tick in my eye and I'm expecting Sasuke to go all arrogant and smug any second now…

"What _is_ this? One of those cheesy romance movie and story where the two of you are best friends but suddenly break off the friendship because one of you is in love with the other but too afraid of rejection and losing the other to tell him so you end up fighting with one another until you both realize that you're in love with each other and then have to get past the hardships of coming to grips with being gay and announcing it to the student population which only brings more fighting?"

…but psychiatrist Jiraiya ruins it with his beautiful, one line synopsis of a typical teen chick flick. (Seriously though, he _nailed_ it. Which makes me suspicious…does he just watch a whole bunch of teen chick flicks in order to get into our heads and call himself a school psychiatrist?)

"What!? No!! What's wrong with you?! How many times do I have to repeat the fact that I. Am. Not. Gay!?" I shout, hands slammed against his desk. Is there just something about me that screams "GAY!!" or something, that I don't know about!?

He just grins, "Looks like the movie's already started."

"What kind of child psychiatrist are you!?"

-

A/N: Writing Jiraiya was a lot harder than I originally thought o__o; He turned out far more OOC than I would have liked but, meh. It's been a long time. Anyways, woot! Update in two weeks—I'm so proud. Let's just hope I can keep this up, shall we? XD I aim to try and get in an update at least once every two weeks.

To reviews I couldn't reply to for there was no button XD:

_Jessica Lindsey:_ Thank you ^^ I hope this was a soon enough update this time around compared to my 9 month absence HA xD

_Anonymous:_ Waah, thanks! I'm really happy you feel like they're in character :D That was one of my main concerns haha XD And thanks for the advice/heads up! I'll keep that in mind. I guess I got a little carried away, hehe. And nah, I have absolutely no plans to switch to Sasuke's point of view. In my opinion, it'd be very boring to write for this sort of humor :D

_Secret of the Black Fox:_ Yay, someone who doesn't think I fail at humor :D Thank you!

_Foenix in Ashes:_ Not to be unfair, but your review made me just laugh and feel double happy! Hehe, I am actually enjoying the story and of course, torturing Naruto—it's a fun pastime :D I only wish I had that much time, then I could update more often. And waaah, I'm so happy you found it humorous! I'm not a very humor writing person so that worried me a lot, but yay for peeing in your pants, well for me at least XD And don't worry! My mental state is just fine…I think :D Your review totally made my day so I'm glad I could return the favor! Thank YOU for putting in the effort to leave me a wonderfully long and awesome review and I'll try not to let this story collect dust again! Thanks!! ^^

Thank you to everyone who reviewed even after my crazy long absence! You guys are just too friggin' awesome and thank you thank you! Thanks to everyone who added this story onto their alerts/favorites lists as well!


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